Judge My Character

First, keep in mind, I AM a New Yorker... and I reeeeeally had to go to the bathroom.

It's Saturday Afternoon and I'm on my way to get my job I.D. made... My Temporary expired yesterday. and I'm running late.

Halfway up the stairs, I hear my connecting train arriving... I just might make it. Then, I hear a little voice faintly behind me say "excuse me?"

When I look back, to see a young sister with a stroller at the bottom of the stairs.

The choices:

1) Continue up the stairs, catch my train and get to the job in time to have my I.D. made.

2) Go back, help the lady, miss the I.D. Office and not get to do what this whole trip was for in the first place.

Now judge my character...

What did I do?

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Tweet from @HUEMANBOOKS

'Until the philosophy which holds one race superior & another inferior
is finally & permanently discredited & abandon..there will be WAR'

Sent from Echofon - http://www.echofon.com/

Sent from my iPod

Shit's gonna change...

WARNING: I am expressing my feelings here in the way that I'm feeling them... Yes, this is the way I vent.

You know, I'm just about tired of the bullshit I have to endure from some folks.

I am no longer in the military... All of the shit you motherfuckers imagined I had when I was, I DEFINITELY don't have now. Yet, there you are, with your hand out, like you have the right to some kind of fucking reward. I don't know about that little world you're in, but in THIS world, you can't get grape juice from a rock, no matter how hard you squeeze it.

I can go on and on about what I wanted to do, about what I tried to bring together, and about what I wanted to build... But what's the fuckin' point? If you were given something that never existed and it was taken away... Would you miss it?

I remember one morning, while ironing my clothes for work, hearing the chaplain say the following on the radio:

"Two people, working together, can do more than twice as much as one person working alone".

I've believed that shit for I don't know how long. For YEARS I've tried to share my vision, based on the concept of THOSE VERY SAME WORDS, with you assholes... And for what? To be ignored, ridiculed, and disrespected while you reach into my pockets to pull apart the threads because there's no money in there.

Well... "I forgive your lack of vision, however I'm moving ahead." (@BrookeLorion ~ Jul 20, 2010 17:56)

I know there's supposed to be a certain level of tolerance for blood and specific institutionalized ideals... But, fuck that... I've reached my limit, and I do NOT intend to even make the gesture of concealing my disdain.

I stayed for as long as I could... I followed, even though I was deliberately being led away from everyone and everything I knew. Across the pond I went. Once there, I was literally on my fucking own. Every spouse I met that was worth their weight in water worked with theirs, shared with theirs and even assisted theirs in finding their place to support theirs. I also watched some do nothing...

I provided to those who needed when I really didn't have to. Even when it came to the point were I could use what I was providing for them. The lack of support to me was clearly evident when a certain someone allowed that something to be taken away JUST to hurt ME. That certain someone knew what my plans were for this thing too... Even more of a reason to let it go away.

The selfish and the ignorant... I want this and I want that. Nevermind the cost or the fact that... Well... It just can't be afforded right now. Money doesn't grow on trees and you are not my only responsibility. Additionally, what can't be gotten "right now" CAN be gotten over time with planning some vision and a little bit of fucking patience. But if you want it that much, you're old enough to work now... Go and get a fucking job.

Then, there are those who really take no consideration, what-so-ever, about what my situation really is. Where am I standing, what I'm trying to do for the future of the whole, what the environment is like where I tread. Then, for their own selfish purposes, they drop all the responsibility on me at a time when I cannot even provide the basic needs for myself.

I've hardly heard a fucking peep from that particular fucker since. At least nothing significant. I'm talking about the one who decided they wanted to spend $1600+ for more than they needed instead of living two hours away and having those same needs met. ALL because they wanted to live closer to their mother...

Six years later, they don't even speak to their mother... Go fucking figure.

This is only SOME of the dumb shit I've had to deal with... I can go on ranting for hours about this shit... But why? The only person I can blame is myself for being involved with these motherfuckers in the first place.

Shit's gonna change... And the change starts today.

I aint dead yet.

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A Moment To Cleanse My Mind...

Location: lat=40.57307 long=-73.98008

The cool thing about technology is it let's you document your experiences remotely and share them with the world. You can copy and paste the above lat/long onto Google or Bing to see exactly where I'm standing... Or at least pretty damned close.

My iPod seems to know what I'm feeling as it plays "Dreams" by The Allman Brothers Band.

A lot has changed since the last time I was here. The old subway station with the wooden turnstiles is gone, and with it, the smell of what to expect outside. In its place, a brand new high tech, environmentally friendly station that looks like something out a scifi movie.

Once outside, the first thing I noticed were all the closed shops... Many of the ones I remember gone altogether. The Carousel my parents used to ride before we left to go home is now a furniture store and the small patch of grass under the aquarium overpass we used to picnic before the rides and the beach was closed off for renovations.

A walk through the park revealed a lot of cool new rides... The Wonder Wheel will always be there... The tower is shut down though. The old parachute frame is still there. But the other old roller coaster I can never remember ever working is gone... In it's place is the circus... Now THAT's cool.

The whole purpose of me coming out here was to clear my mind... and smell the ocean. I was pleasantly greeted with a continuous twelve knot wind carrying to me exactly what I came for... Thank You King Neptune for granting a Shellback his wish.

Now that I'm feeling refreshed, it's time to hit Nathan's for a dog and get back to work...

I know what I have to do now.



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Without Solace..... What?

My dear friend Drennie (bless her crazy ass soul) once told me that there are some women out there who purposely try to drive a man to the point where he'll flip out and whup her ass... Or worse.

The way it works is by constantly switching subjects, bringing up old shit or just overwhelming him with dumb shit beyond the loss of his ability to think and to the point where he even loses his sense of reason. It's kinda like what's going on with Mel Gibson. All you hear are his rants but you never EVER hear the beginning of the conversations.

My story goes like this:

Due to a slight miscalculation, a chain of events occurred leaving me penniless and unable to pay my rent... No rent money, no home... Effectively homeless. Not all that big of a problem. That can be worked around. But then everything goes to hell when, after I told her I HAVE NO PLACE to keep him, my son's mother decides to drop him in my lap like a bag of dirt so SHE can go fuck.

Oh, but wait a minute... This happens while, in addition to my situation, she's under investigation by Children's Services. On top of all of that, he was born 3 months early and has special needs.

The first place I brought him (my one remaining place of solace in many ways) didn't quite work out. He threw some tantrums and needed to be away from there. His needs put unnecessary stress on my host and their child. When it reached a certain point, I packed him up and took him to my Family Place #1.

Family Place #1, by my standards and I'm sure by ACS' standard is NOT the ideal place for my son to be for many reasons. The first night was fine since we were pretty much left alone. But with the second and by the third night of being asked to move my son from a bed to the couch or floor so somebody can fuck... I'd had enough. Again, I just packed him up and left.

Having no clue as to where I was headed, I called my oldest daughter hoping to let him spend the night with her while I sorted things out. That didn't work out because of issues with her grandmother. So I called the one family member left in NYC I thought I could trust.

On to Family Place #2

Family Place #2 ended up being a problem because the host there, without me showing up, was already under significant strain due to all sorts of problems I care not to mention. The issues with my son only made things worse.

On the second full night, the host's son had his kids come over to keep my son company. This didn't turn out well. My son's needs gets him excited when he's around other children. After a while tho, he did calm down. But when he came out to use the bathroom, my host refused to let him go back to crash with the other kids.

Then things really got crazy... My host decided to go on a midnight cleaning spree while complaining about things that had nothing to do with me. After a bit of this and a simple ass altercation over some soy sauce packets, I started feeling reeeally unwelcome. So I packed him up yet again and took him to the last place in the city I 'thought' I could go...

Back to the original spot.

By now, my ability to even think straight is gone. The following days I just felt nothing but building rage. So I look to try and find ways to expend the energy, but there is none. I'm told that I'm shutting people out. That's something I'm still finding difficult to understand since the person who's saying this to me is going through it with me.

But, after analyzing it all, I realize that "I" do have a mental problem... See, it's MY belief that since I haven't flipped out... yet... that my coping skills are on point. But that's only in MY little world.

Where all I want is a little fucking solace right now.

And, so here I go to drop him off with his mother.....

Hopefully, I won't make the evening news.

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X6

Success...! I made it through my Algebra class with a surprisingly pleasant grade and my Sociology grade follows up quite nicely. Though, extremely stressful, I managed to do better than expected. Especially after Saturday's dual exams. #brainfry

Then Father's Day... A day I've dreaded for a very long time. I used this Sunday to reflect on some issues I needed to put on hold, at least, until I completed my finals and had a little space to breathe; especially two in particular that have come up recently I simply haven't had time to process correctly. With the short break from classes, I figured I'd have plenty of time to straighten those and other pressing issues out.

Then the fucking floodgates opened.

Between Monday and today, I was hit with another series of "issues".... FOUR more to be exact. Now, after being slammed with some bullshit from SIX different directions in such a short period of time, I've come to the conclusion that the time has come for me to change how I deal with certain things... and my attitude.

But not before a period of of reflection and to make an assessment of my progress since making the decision to take this path on 21 June 2009...

To pursue that Bachelor's Degree.

Although I plan to remain "out-of-reach" for the next two or three days, I'm not shutting the door or burning any bridges. I will, however, be taking inventory and doing a lot of prioritizing.

That is all.....

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YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT IT BAD

From Lyfe Jennings' album, "Lyfe Change"
Lyrics by LYFE JENNINGS (feat. Wyclef Jean):

No guts no glory  

No pain, no story  

Mama mama don't you worry  

Heaven on my mind, forever on my grind  

Tell God, sorry  

If this ain't heaven where the hell are we  

This kind of plane is so unusual  

I'm beautiful, dammit, I'm beautiful  

[Bridge:]  

See everything happens for a reason  

And the season (the reason and the season)  

Everything, happens some place and time  

So before the mirror shines  

Some people never see the light  

[Hook: Lyfe Jennings]  

You, You Think You've Got It Bad  

You think the world owe you something but it don't owe you nothing  

You, you think that you've got it bad  

Some people have never had a chance at life  

[Wyclef Jean:]  

I live, I die, I laugh I cry  

The more I stay, the more the earth expends, and lends itself to sin  

For Benjamin, I seen him crack his head with the Heineken  

Then snatched his chain  

The same place the sun fall, that's where it rains  

And the same place the eagle fly, down comes the pain  

And the same girl that bring me joy, she bring me pain  

[Bridge:]  

See everything happens for a reason (reason)  

And the season (seasons)  

Everything, every single place and time  

Some people never shine  

Some people never see the sky  

 
[Hook:]  

You, you think you've got it bad  

You think the world owe you something but it don't owe you nothing  

You, you think that you've got it bad  

Some people have never had a chance at life  

[Wyclef Jean:]  

You should everybody shine put your hands in the air let me see touch ya the sky light  

[Lyfe Jennings:]  

This time I'll give my energy and patience, success is waiting  

[Wyclef Jean:]  

You grind, everybody grind, if I ever used to grind I will never touch the skyline  

[Lyfe Jennings:]  

Will I ever see the sky light, will I ever see the skylight (skylight)  

 

[Hook:]  

You, you think you've got it bad  

You think the world owe you something but it don't owe you nothing  

You, you think that you've got it bad  

Some people have never had a chance at life

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The Place Is STILL Abandoned...

In the above photo is an old abandoned school I'd written about in my first essay for English 112. While walking by the place, I noticed they still haven't done anything with it...

I wonder why...

Anyway, here's the essay:

10 Sep 2009
ENGL-112
Prof. Kinsley

Ghosts, They Could Be Anywhere

Believing in ghosts isn't always the easiest thing to do. Something you think you might have seen, but you're just not quite sure. Then, of course, there's the part of describing to someone else exactly what it was you saw. You could get laughed at, ridiculed, or just not taken seriously. Then again, there might be the chance that you weren't alone in seeing what you thought you saw. A ghost, a spirit from the afterlife; the real truth is, people probably see ghosts every day and simply don't realize their ghosts.

My experience with ghosts brings the thought to question: WHO is a ghost, rather than do they exist. There was one time when a few friends of mine and I were certain what we saw could be nothing but a pair of ghosts at an old abandoned building across the street from our grade school.
 
One day, when we escaped from the prison (the schoolyard during recess), we were hanging out in the courtyard of this place which happened to be an old abandoned school. Just hanging around talking about what must have been going on in this old ancient building, kicking cans and doing things that third graders do. We finally got curious enough to look through some of the windows to see all kinds of trash strewn throughout what was more than likely the cafeteria. Windows were busted out. Someone had started a fire in one of the corners some time ago. The place was really nasty.

Well, as we reflected on what must have happened to the place, an old couple walked up to us from inside one of the windows and asked us if we should be getting back to class. Of course we joked around with the old couple for a little while and finally agreed that we should. I remember the old lady saying how good that was and that education was important. We turned around to leave and thought about what'd just happened. When we went back to the window, the old couple was gone.
 

Well, they looked real enough. They weren't transparent. They didn't walk through the wall or anything. They were two real people who talked to us, were dressed decently if not a little old fashioned, and even gave us advice. They were just in a place that doesn't seem like a place they should be, and when we looked twice, wasn't there.

I've talked with one of the friends who experienced this with me not long ago, and he says the same thing. It was one unreal experience and one we will never forget. Both of us look around to this day and silently wonder not if ghosts exist; but who and where they are.

I just wanted to share.

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3 YEAR PLAN...

Just over a year ago, I began putting together a three year plan to do the following:

• Acquire a degree of higher education
• Recover financial losses incurred between 2006 & 2009
• Separate myself from the negative shroud that's seemingly covered me since 1994

The past fifteen months have not been easy with all that's happened... The heaviest part of it all is the loss of several friends to mortality. Tomorrow, I intend to face that dark place yet again as I say goodbye to yet another friend.

Damon Wayans said it perfectly in his analogy of the male "mid-life crisis" in an interview with Tavis Smiley. It struck him when he was hit with a very close death, a divorce, and a move... and then, when he looked in the mirror only to find death staring back at him. In that, I must say, he'd just described the last year of my life.

Soon, I will be taking an assessment of my progress so far. From where I'm standing, about to start this battery of Algebra exams (it is safe to assume multiple definitions of the word "battery").

It's hard, but I'm keeping my head up.

-----
#nowplaying "Don't Give Up" covered by #Bono & @aliciakeys


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Seven Years Ago...[NTS]

Not long ago (5 February 2010) my son Ezekiel turned seven (7) years old. Yes he was born premature and, as you can see, he has come quite a long way.

He spent nearly three months in Kapiolani Medical Center's neonatal intensive care ward. During this time, my boat was in Pearl Harbor shipyard, so I was working some pretty crazy hours. From 7:30am (6:30 on duty days which were every three days) to no earlier than 6pm (18:00 for you military types).

Well, without a car during this time, living almost two hours away from the hospital and over an hour away from work, this was a very challenging time... But someone was almost always with him day and night.

His mother, after taking his sister to school would bus it to the hospital in the morning to stay until about 7pm when she HAD to go and pick up Joycelyn. Sometimes we'd see each other... Sometimes we wouldn't. Some nights I would get to the hospital between 7 & 8pm and stay the night... Other nights I would take the last bus home at 1am... arriving at 3am to shower, take a quick nap and head right back to work. After an altercation on the boat, the CO gave the order to release me at 5pm daily (except duty days) to alleviate some of the stress.

The weekends, when I wasn't on duty weren't as bad. I simply didn't go home.

When he finally did come home, there were no issues. In fact, he grew rather quickly. But it was during that trying time that I learned some serious lessons.

It was also during that time when I decided I was leaving the Navy.
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There's No Such Thing As A Good "Trend"

• Sometimes, life seems like it's taking you around in circles... Right now feels like one of those times.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING:

• I feel my family failing even more. Like everyone is drifting further and further apart. I saw my brother in SC last week, and it felt almost like he was a stranger; and his remains a complete mystery to me. I do get good vibes from her... I just don't know where she stands. It was cool meeting my new nephew (named after me). He will grow up to look exactly like his father too.

• I recently had a series of conversations about love last week. How do you let go of someone you love?

I came to the point where I knew that anything I did, the lady I was with would not be satisfied. She and I could be alone and on a deserted island, and she would find a reason for me to be thinking about someone else.

I have this to say to any woman who doesn't believe the man (or, in some cases... the woman) she's with wants to be with her and ONLY her... Just ask them. If you don't believe his/her answer... THEN LEAVE! Why go through the turmoil of thinking your partner wants someone else? Eventually, you're only going to drive them away from you anyway.

So what's the point in dragging it out?

• Another weekend with my son. A Happy Meal, trip to the movies (gotta love Zoe as an Avatar), a ride on the train... In the morning, we'll do the breakfast thing. Polish off the rest of the homework... I might put him on to some Batman on the PS3. I need to get a racing game and another controller.

Then there's the trip back. I know he'll enjoy the train ride... He always does.

• I discovered a long time ago that the male confidence lies in what's on his feet. Everything else is additional, but the main thing is the feet.

I think it's because that's where most women look first.

I could be wrong.

MUSIC I'M HEARING

• "Two Steps Away" by Patti LaBelle

Yeah, I'm still feeling this song.

• "Single Mothers" by C-Rayz Walz

A message to single mothers to stay positive no matter how rough it gets. I remember the first time I heard it and thinking about the people I wanted to hear it too.

An example of that "Real Hip-Hop".

NEW IDEAS:

• I need to find a way to balance out my life. Too much is trying to happen at the same time again.

• Family... I need to try and reach out to more family.

• Time Management... There is time enough for everything. I just have to figure out the pieces to the puzzle. Next week, at this time, I WILL have all primary tasks completed. This week, I'm at less than 50%

CLOSING NOTE:

• I think I finally understand what it must have been like to be my parents. Both of them were wrapped up in distractions to realize my siblings and I were growing into a world they didn't understand. The result being, none of us were properly grounded.

My goal is to change that for us, and eliminate that trend for our offspring.

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Hard Decisions...

It wasn't easy... Choosing to leave, this time, was the hardest decision I've ever made. I guess it was knowing that what I was walking away from would never survive. The real question is, would it have survived had I stayed.

I already know the answer... This decision would have been made by someone else for me had I not done it myself.

Now, I'm just trying to repair all of the damage. Hopefully, the world won't end before I'm done with this college thing and the economy fixes itself. It would be nice to know that career is waiting for me.

As for her? I really hope she finds what she couldn't find in me.

I'm hearing the song "Two Steps Away" by Patti LaBelle right now... Wondering.

If two days ago were my birthday, then today would be the day I'm called home.

Perhaps, one day in the future, we'll be able to just talk.

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I Wonder...

I wonder if my calling will come two days after my birthday... Oct 2nd 1969 - Oct 4th 20??

How is it that I'm even in Orangeburg South Carolina today? Why am I not in the Bronx... Somewhere along the Grand Concourse? Or maybe even in Sumter...? Or Mannheim?

I wonder what it would be like if I were in any one of those places today. Or one year ago... Or how about TWO years ago... Three or Four or Five years ago.

What else are you supposed to do when you reach your breaking point? Is it really wise to stay where you feel like you're not wanted? What else is there to do when you know just about everyone around you is whispering and pointing fingers after you've stepped off the path you've laid for someone who has their own agenda which includes you; but only as a prop?

I've imploded before... I wonder if it would have been worth it to hang in there... When I was on the edge of imploding again.
I just wish I knew better 19 years ago.

I wonder if anyone else is thinking about today as I am.

An then there is two days from now.

I wonder.



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I Really Do Have Love For All..... but...

UPDATE-002 20100305

INTRO:

• This week was all about trying to squeeze a lot of things into a little bit of time. The new semester promises to bring forth challenges much bigger than the last... This time, however, I am ready.

A NOTE OF CAUTION:

I really have been working hard on cutting back on cussin'.... Especially here on my blog... But, there are times when I just have to let it out... Parental Guidance is advised.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING:

• Something rather disturbing. I was adopted, something I've learned to accept over the years... However, I've always remained curious about my birth family. What was my mother like, my father, if I have any siblings out there... It's no secret, to anyone close to me, my passion for such knowledge.

Anyway, every now and then, I will google my name to see what pops up. Usually, the normal stuff appears. My social pages, friends pages who mention me, etc. This time, however, an adoption reunion page popped up. Curiosity consumed me with all kinds of thoughts. But, upon entering the page, I found the following disturbing information...

Well, disturbing to me at least...

First of all, the person who made the entry is listed as my adoptive mother... Who has been dead for seventeen years now. The inaccuracies include:

My adoptive mother's birthday and age are wrong.
Whoever made the entry was able to list my spouses name.
The date of my actual adoption is incorrect.
My place of birth is incorrect.
And there are NO capitalizations.

On one hand, though I can't imagine why, someone out there who knows me that well is attempting to piss me off or hurt me very deep. Then again, it could also be a sibling or one of my birth parents. Though I can't see why they would go about it that way.

Either way, I haven't decided whether I'm going to pursue it or not... I have more pressing issues to attend to.

• Interesting conversation...

The comparison between a "Jump
Off", a "Friend w/ Benefits", a "Bootie Call" and a "Relationship".

A "Jump Off" I see more as a "one night stand"... You get it and jump
off and that's it. My buddy, on the other hand thinks of it as someone you call from time to time to satisfy a need. This I see as a "friend w/ benefits" or a "bootie call".

We both agree on either and all of the different types of "casual participants" catching feelings on one end or the other either destroying the friendship in the "friend w/ bennies" thing or causing drama in the "Jump Off/Bootie Call" thing. We also agree on the potential consequences in all manner of such behavior.

As far as actually getting into a real relationship, there are often times when one person (and sometimes even both) can't be honest enough to admit to the other that all they're really interested in is a "friend w/ benefits" or less which leads to someone getting hurt..... or worse.

Just something to think about.

• Governor Patterson (D) - NY

This story is becoming increasingly embarrassing as it goes on. I just wish he would press on instead of trying to back out of the running. It really is just a bunch of small things they're throwing at him and he's screwing the pooch over it. Truthfully, it's not that big of a deal.

The man simply needs to grow a pair, own up to his mistakes, and dismiss the mistakes of others that are being pushed onto his plate. I hate the political media game that's being played these days.

MUSIC I'M HEARING

• The Wind Cries Mary - Jimi Hendrix

Not to many of my peers know anything at all about Jimi. The one person I'd want to hear the lyrics to this song would never understand the message. I guess it's my message anyway.

• One Good Spliff - Ziggy Marley

You have to know me and the song to know why I'm feeling this song right now.

• Childz Play - Cee Lo Green ft. Ludacris

Talk about Rhyme Skilz... Not too many can do it like these two brothers.

CHANGES:

• Gonna have to change some standards when it comes to who I follow and who I allow to follow me on these fucking social web sites... I'm only on three.

The following is a general statement and is NOT directed toward any one particular individual.

First of all, it's NOT THAT SERIOUS!

If you happen to be female and less than 75% of my age... I don't want you...

If we've never met in person and I haven't asked you for your number even though we've been in touch for some time, then I probably don't want to talk to you and the likelihood of me expecting to meet you is pretty slim too.

If you've been in contact with me for more than a year, then you SHOULD already understand this.

If I say something directly to you and you feel uncomfortable, take heed to what I said above.

Finally, aside from what I've said above, if you are not in pursuit of a degree in Engineering or helping me acquire mine... If you don't run a business that I may be interested in for one reason or another.... If your musical interest spans less than three genres or is limited to
only one generation (if you can't tell me who sings/wrote "Ribbon In The Sky"). And if you just have thin skin, I Am A Submariner... I often say "Fucked Up Shit". Perhaps it comes from breathing in all that Amin, or the dusty ass air from those O2 candles... Or Hotracking. Either way, if you can't hack it, then don't follow me, unfriend and fucking block me.

It's been a minute since I've actually been on my computer... After the software updates are done and The Berry info has been secured, I'm gonna have to get the cutting board out again.

My actual contacts list is approaching 1300... So I can stand to part with one or two or fifty or even a couple of hundred sensitive ass muh-fuckas.

Once again, the above is a general statement and is NOT directed toward any one particular individual.

I am on the following social sites for the reasons listed... The first is the primary... Anything else is secondary... PERIOD.

Twitter - News/Info, comedy and talking shit.

My Space - MUSIC, posting Resume info.

Facebook - Alumni/Family/Special Projects and Friends. Occasionally, I will post an essay for opinions and stuff like that.

CLOSING NOTE:

• I will NOT ask anyone to like me. If I've got a boo-boo, I know how to lick my own fucking wounds. If you choose to be my friend in ANY context, I only hope your reasons have some kind of substance.

I go where I'm celebrated... Not where I'm tolerated.

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UPDATE-001: A New Weekly Thing... I Wonder If I Can Keep This Going

Hello Folks...

I'm stepping into a new phase in my life and I can't help
wondering..... Where is this road taking me? Well, I will continue to
be motivated by the haters... That's right, I'll Show You... And I
will continue to have love for those folks who just can't see it.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING:

The week started with a little stress: my oldest daughter's car
accident, finals, and the tingle of the hairs on the back of my neck
from the hairs standing up... I know the haters are busy.

Well, my oldest's auto mishap wasn't as bad as it could've been. The
car is a total loss; but she came out of it just a little banged up.
Gotta give her a call today.

Finals... Not as good as I would have liked. I'm hoping I can find a
way to make up the shortcoming... At least I did well with the
English final. I'm not quite satisfied with my work there either....
I'll do better next semester....

Oh yeah, and a CD for Prof. Kinsley.

I haven't heard from certain people in quite some time. Whatever
they're up to, it surely won't be of any benefit to me. I wonder if
anyone would be interested in exactly how I feel about that... I see
a long blog coming on.

MUSIC I'M HEARING

• There Is A Way - Mos Def

The push. The Struggle... Only two lyrics:

"There is a way - No matter what they say"

And

"Dont give up - Dont give in"

• Got To Give It Up - Marvin Gaye

Grooving to this while moving.

• Whatever Happens - Michael Jackson (ft. Santana)

MJ's best work, in my opinion, was on his largely ignored Invincible
CD. This song is only one incredible work... It reminds me of holding
Andrenna's hand those final days (see earlier blogs).

I'm really missing Andrenna this week. She's been on my mind a lot.
Those last days just didn't seem fair.

NEW IDEAS:

• I would really like to reacquire some of the souverniers that
have been lost each an every time I've been forced to move on. Most of
them are irreplaceable... But not all. I'd like to get three or for
"Ship's Store" items from each of the submarines I've been attached to:

- USS MIAMI (SSN-755)
- USS TOPEKA (SSN-754)
- USS TUCSON (SSN-770)

• On the above note, I can probably hook up a buddy while replacing
some keepsakes... As soon as I hear from her soon (hopefully this
weekend) so I can discuss potential T-Shirt Designs incorporating each
boat's logo. Maybe, I can order two shirts for each boat (one to the
CO of each and one for me)... Reach Out Ms. T-Shirt Lady!

CLOSING NOTE:

• Sometimes what's good may not be the best thing for you.

Sent from my iPod

We Are The World 25

Not to take away from anyone or anything connected to it; I didn't much care for the original or the video. I did, however, appreciate the coming together of these people for the cause. Of course this started a massive aid trend that lasted for years.

We Are The World was NOT a song to be remade in my opinion... After "hearing" it, I felt even stronger about it being left alone. I simply couldn't get into it. But, after thinking about it for a little while; I realized I should check out the video. I didn't much like the video of the original; but this is a different time. And Quincy Jones has rarely produced a song I didn't like.

After watching the video (and hearing the WHOLE song), my attitude changed. The song, though the words are the same, seems more like a continuation of the earlier version. As it went on, I couldn't miss the fact that they kept MJ's part in there.

As it went on, seeing Tony Bennet, Barbara Streisand and was that Irene Cara? Or someone that looked like her? Anyway, the same appreciation I have for the original only grew with this one.

And then there came the twist...

Wycleff put his twist on it... Then there was LL, lil'Wayne (and I really don't like his music) and of course Kanye.

I appreciate music in all it's forms. Even if I don't like a song, I appreciate the heart that's put into any artists craft.

The video doesn't change how I feel about the song... I still don't like it... The original or the 25 for Haiti... But I appreciate the original and the 25 even more. I know it sounds kind of strange... But I'm sure true music lovers understand.


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Self Love...

Okay, so the term "self love" can be interpreted in several different ways... Today, though, I'm thinking in pure terms.

There's not a lot of things more depressing than being alone on Valentine's Day. But, ask your self this: "am I really alone?"

Some people have their children, religious people have their gods, and most everyone has family, friends and so on.

And if all else fails, you have your "self". So give your self some love.

If you don't have a special someone this Valentine's Day then treat your self.

Go out to dinner, take in a movie or a show... Just treat your self to something special and feel good about it.

Because once your self is feeling good, then you're feeling good too.

Besides, who knows your self better than you?

Self Love Boo-Boo!

Self Love

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Self Love...

Okay, so the term "self love" can be interpreted in several different ways... Today, though, I'm thinking in pure terms.

There's not a lot of things more depressing than being alone on Valentine's Day. But, ask your self this: "am I really alone?"

Some people have their children, religious people have their gods, and most everyone has family, friends and so on.

And if all else fails, you have your "self". So give your self some love.

If you don't have a special someone this Valentine's Day then treat your self.

Go out to dinner, take in a movie or a show... Just treat your self to something special and feel good about it.

Because once your self is feeling good, then you're feeling good too.

Besides, who knows your self better than you?

Self Love Boo-Boo!

Self Love

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Anger by Marvin Gaye

Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain
It injures me, babe....

Anger, can make you old, yes it can
I said anger, can make you sick, children... oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul
Rage, there's no room for rage in there
There's no room for rage in here
line up some place to go to be mad
It's a sin to treat your body bad

When anger really gets the best of us
We've really lost our heads
We often say a lof of things, oh darlin'
Wish we'd never said
Oh, reason is beyond control
And the things we do spite
Makes me ashamed
And I mean this, baby, makes me want to the things right

Someday soon I hope and pray like Jesus
I'll reach that wiser age
Hope I will learn I really never never profit
From things I do in rage

One more time-anger, more ager
When it's flaming hot
Anger burns to the bitter end
Know what i'm talkin' 'bout
When it cools I find out too late
I have lost at love, love, love, dear friend
I said, anger will make you sick,
children, oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul

I ain't gonna let you get the best of me, babe
I'm gonna go somewhere and cool
This is not the way my head's supposed to be, babe
You've got me feelin' like some silly fool
But I know a real nice place where I can go
And feel the way i'm supposed to feel

I don't want to be mad at nobody
I don't want to be feelin' bad
Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain
It injures me, babe

Anger, can make you old, yes it can
I said anger will make you sick, children, oh Jesus
Anger destroys your soul
Anger
Anger

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You're The Man by Marvin Gaye/Kenneth Stover

Talkin', talkin' to the people
Tryin' to get them to go your way
Tellin' lies, not to worry
That we won't be led astray
So blind, unsignified
Your opponents always lying
Think about the mistakes you make
I believe America's at stake

You know, busin', busin' is the issue
Do you have a plan with you?
If If you have a plan
If you have a master plan
Got to vote for you
Hey hey, got to vote for you
You're the man

We don't wanna hear no more lies
About how you planned a compromise
We want our dollar value increased
And employment to rise
The nation's taxation
Is causin' all, all this inflation
Don't give us no peace sign
Turn around and rob the people blind
Economics is the issue
Do you have a plan with you?
'Cause if you've got a master plan
Got to vote for you
You're the man

Don't you understand?
There's misery in the land

People marching on Washington
Better hear what they have to say
Because the tables just might turn against you, brother
Set around Election Day
Politics and hypocrites
Is turning us all into lunatics
Can you take the guns from our sons?
Right all the wrongs this administration's done?
Peace and freedom is the issue
Do you have a plan with you?
'Cause if you've got the plan
If you've got the master plan

Got to vote for you
Hey hey, got to vote for you
'Cause you're the man

Got to vote for you

--- and this song came out WHEN ---

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Chumpy by Sonny Sharrock

Chumpy is a piece by one of my music teachers from way WAY back. The late guitarist Sonny Sharrock who exposed me to the roots of Bee-Bop and other forms of jazz. I remember learning to read music through his teaching from a book called "The Monster".
In 1981, I picked up my first musical instrument... The Clarinet. Not a very popular instrument by mainstream standards; yet, it IS the starting point for many of the true artists out today. But in 82, Sonny introduced me to the Bass. From this, my musical journey took me to Fusion. I started following groups like Spyro Gyra, Weather Report and so on.

Nevertheless, through all of the different songs I've experienced, Chumpy sits among my top favorites.

There's the running bass line at the beginning while he's doing things I am quite sure the late Mr. Les Paul did not intend to be done with his namesake. You see, Sonny really wanted to play Tenor Sax like his biggest idol, John Coltrain. However, because of is asthma, Sonny had to settle for something else. He became a master of the Gibson Les Paul.

About halfway through the song, there's a pause. Then starts the good part. Slowing down to about two thirds the original tempo, the bass player goes into this funky bluesy nasty nasty that you can do nothing else but feel while Sonny takes you on a ride somewhere down South... Then you realize you're in the Netherlands... Amsterdam to be exact... Somewhere in their "Red Light District". That's where he was inspired to write Chumpy.

The actual inspiration for the song "Chumpy", I believe, was the drummer from the Sonny Sharrock Band. Something about him putting ketchup on everything and his addiction to "Glory Holes"... Whatever those are.

Anyway, it all boils down to Sonny considering the guy an idiot, and when it came down to giving the song a title (in the colorful way he did), the title wasn't originally "Chumpy". In fact, I can't even begin to imagine how he came up with that... [John, you've GOT to tell me THAT story].

"Stupid Fuck" was the original title, and so this song plays in my head every single time I come across one idiot or another from day to day.

So here's to you Sonny Sharrock...

You will NEVER be forgotten.

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The "Boom Bap" 1

Hip-Hop, though identified in the late 1970's, truly goes much further back in time than it does forward. I picked this up through reading such books as Roots by Alex Haley and others.

I really grasped onto the true history of Hip-Hop while KRS-ONE from Boogie Down Productions started of a documentary by discussing Cab Calloway and his affect as a band leader in the 30's and 40's. The way he would "move the crowd" (MC or Emcee) at a time when "black entertainers couldn't even walk in the front door" of the venues they performed in. Even today when the song "Minnie The Moocher" is heard, people of all ages races and walks of life find themselves chanting the chorus "Hydee Hydee Hydee Hooo"...

Today, is there an ear, anywhere in the world, that is NOT familiar with such songs as "Rapper's Delight" by the Sugar Hill Gang? Who HASN'T heard "The Message" by Grandmaster Melle Mell and the Furious Five?

One of the biggest milestones in Hip-Hop came to pass when Run DMC released "Sucka Emcees". The group of three (two emcees and a DJ) pretty much set the standard while at the same time exploding so loud the shock waves were heard around the world. All, with nothing but a beat and a rhyme.

The world was finally exposed to the Boom Bap.


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Diary of a Madman (Lyrics by Scarface)

[Scarface talking]
Yo anybody seen my diary? Oh there it is.
I gotta write this shit down. Check it out.
 
Dear Diary, I'm having a little problem
I can´t make it by myself maybe you can help me solve em
I'm confused and I don´t know what to do
I'm hoping you can help me cause
there's no one else to talk to
I want to die, but it ain't for me
I try to talk to my dad, but my old man ignores me
He says that I'm delirious
And I that drink too much, therefore he doesn't take me serious
But little does he know I'm really losing it
I've got a head, but ain't no screws in it
I be thinking deep
That's one of the reasons at night I can't sleep
I thought it would change when I was older
But even now I'm still peeping over my shoulder
Is there life after death troop?
And what about the nigga with the cane and the black suit?
And what about cancer?
Too many motherfucking questions, and not enough answers
Ain't no use in trying
We might as all face it we were all born dying
There's a black book in Brass hands
And it's the diary of a madman
 
Dear diary today I hit a nigga with a torch
Shot him in his face and watched
him die on his front porch
Left his family heartbroken
Flashbacks of him laying there bleeding with his eyes open
I can't put the shit behind me
I know I'm here somewhere, but I can't find me
I used to be a drug dealer
On the for reala, now I'm a born killer
And it ain't no changing me
It used to be hard, but now it ain't no thing to me
To go up to a niggas house
Put a pistol in his mouth, and blow his fucking brains out
No doubt if you cross then I'ma take ya
Cause I'm a fucking killer by nature
You got an M11, bring your weapon
I got an AK-47
It's gonna be a bloody Sunday
Cause your fucking with a nigga like Bundy
And I was taught not to kill
Like a Vietnam vet with a thousand yard stare
So welcome to the slaughterhouse nigga
Red Rum and I'ma be the grave digger
And if you want to cap, come cap me
I'm trigger happy like my great-grandpappy
Just watch for the chrome in my right hand
My second entry from the diary of a madman
 
Dear diary, help me cause I'm frantic
S-sometimes I think I'm going schizophrenic
The world's looking dark for instance
Maybe cause I'm looking from a distance
But then again I wear a blindfold
Staring at the motherfucking world with my eyes closed
Even to myself I'm a stranger
Walking in the footsteps of danger
It's a long path ahead of me
I gotta get somewhere cause everybody here is scared of me
I had a job but they fired me
My wife walked out now I'm living in my diary.

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Microphone Fiend (lyrics by Rakim)

 
I was a fiend before I became a teen
I melted microphone instead of cones of ice cream
Music orientated so when hip-hop was originated
Fitted like pieces of puzzles, complicated
'Cause I grabbed the mic and try to say, Yes y'all!
They tried to take it, and say that I'm too small
Cool, 'Cause I don't get upset
I kick a hole in the speaker, pull the plug, then I jet
Back to the lab ...without a mic to grab
So then I add all the rhymes I had
One after the other one, then I make another one
To diss the opposite then ask if the brother's done
I get a craving like I fiend for nicotine
But I don't need a cigarette, know what I mean?
I'm raging, ripping up the stage and
Don't it sound amazing 'cause every rhyme is made and
Thought of, Cuz it's sort of...an addiction,
Magnatized by the mixing
Vocals, vocabulary, your verses, you're stuck in
The mic is a drano, volcanoes erupting,
Rhymes overflowing, gradually growing
Everything is written in a code, so it can coin-
cide, my thoughts a guide,
48 tracks to slide
The invincible, microphone fiend Rakim
Spread the word, 'cause I'm in
E-F-F-E-C-T
A smooth operator operating correctly,
But back to the problem, I got a habit,
You can't solve it, silly rabbit
The prescription is a hyper tone that's thorough when
I fiend for a microphone like heroin
Soon as the bass kicks, I need a fix
Gimme a stage and a mic and a mix
And I'll put you in a mood or is it a state of
unawareness? Beware, it's the reanamator!
A menace to a microphone, a lethal weapon
An assasinator, if the people ain't stepping
You see a part of me that you never seen
When I'm fiending for a microphone, I'm the microphone fiend...
After 12, I'm worse that a Gremlin
Feed me Hip-hop and I start trembling
The thrill of suspense is intense, you're horrified
But this ain't the cinemas of Tales From the Dark Side,
By any means necessary, this is what has to be done
Make way 'cause here I come....
My DJ cuts material....
Grand imperial.
It's a must that I bust any mic you hand to me,
It's inherited, it's runs in the family
I wrote the rhyme that broke the bull's back,
If that don't slow 'em up, I carry a full pack.
Now I don't want to have to let off, you should of kept off
You didn't keep the stage warm, step off!
Ladies and Gentleman, You're about to see
A pastime hobby about to be
Taken to the maximum, I can't relax see, I'm
Hype as a hyperchrondriac 'cause the rap be one-
Hell of an antidote, something you can't smoke
More than dope, you try to move away but you can't, you're broke
More than cracked up, you should have backed up
For those who act up need to be more than smacked up
Any entertainer, I got a torture chamber
One on one and I'm the remainder!
So close your eyes and hold your breath,
And I'm a hit'cha wit the blow of death
Before you go, you'll remember you seen
The fiend of a microphone, I'm the microphone fiend

The microphone fiend...

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Shake It Off...

Sometimes, you just have to shake it off and keep moving.

When someone decides to make a negative comment about your positive movement...

Shake it off.

When they try to make their pain your pain... Just shake it off. It's just not worth the hurt.

Like when the haters hate and toss obstacles in your path... Most times I will go over or through it... But if I can do neither...

I'll just shake it off and keep moving.

When it rains, snows, or even when you're caught in the occasional dust storm... You can sit there and whimper...

Or just shake it off.

Don't blame the next guy tho... Because, even if it IS their fault, they're going to just shake it off.

It's not like you can change the past...

Just shake it off.

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The Joyner's

Thirty years ago, I found myself attending what might be regarded as a boarding school. Pleasantville Cottage School, the main campus for the Jewish Child Care Association (JCCA) used to be a place for "emotionally challenged" kids. With today's kids, I'm starting to believe their idea is outdated. But that's another story.

Some of the things to stand out most (next to my exposure to music) would be the kind, gentle eyes and voice of Mrs. Joyner, the Home Economics teacher and the stern and knowledgeable voice of Mr. Joyner, my Science teacher. Even though it was common knowledge around campus that they were married, I never put the two together. In fact, throughout the five years I spent there, I do not recall ever seeing either one of them in the presence of the other. But that's cool.

Through my adolescent and into my adult years, I managed to carry with me some of the basic things they taught me. Any time I felt the need to be confident, I'd remember Mr. Joyner's voice in how he taught his classes and how he never spoke down to any of us... Even when we were in trouble. He would simply speak to us like we were his equal and let us know that we 'should know better'.

Mrs. Joyner, on the other hand, has had a more direct impact on things in my life. I have to say, SHE is pretty much the core to my skills in the kitchen... And I am fairly nice at the stove these days. Additionally, I have never had to take a single article of clothing to the cleaners to be repaired. I've always done my own alterations and other sewing... I did get a little assistance on the measurements though; but I NEVER received any grade below "Outstanding" in ANY of my Navy uniform inspections.

However, none of those things compare to the most recent inspirations they've bestowed upon me.

Recently, they showed up at the funeral of one of my former classmates... Together... The day was dismal, and the Jewish funeral is one of the most morbid events I've ever attended. But, seeing and hearing the Joyner's together like this just made everything brighter. Just watching them together taught me a few more things I'd never gotten a chance to learn throughout life... Or maybe I just missed those things.

It was just good to see them. Mr. Joyner no longer sports the Afro I remember so well... Mrs. Joyner's shoulder length brown hair is now all white. But, her eyes are still the same as is his voice. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to thank each of them for what they've given me.

I do hope they won't be strangers.

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Lookin' Around My Neighborhood...

The beauty of the "Hood". If you don't look around, you'll surely miss it.

Being from Harlem, exposure to many cultures is so frequent that you really don't notice it. Some years ago, I noticed beauty in things that I'd missed as a child... The hills in Briarcliff Manor and Pleasantville, sunrises, sunsets, buildings and even people. If everyone were to take just a moment to look around and appreciate the beauty that surrounds them, the world would be a better place.

I took this photo on 104th Street & Lexington Avenue, the El Barrio section of Harlem... Better known as "Spanish Harlem". Aretha Franklin performed a song about this area. This work of art shows a typical summer day... The warm weather needs to hurry up and come back.

I just wanted to share this with folks.

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A Crab Sammich...!

It's interesting where one can sometimes find inspiration. At a fish market in the Bronx, I was headed out the door with a little fish to go with some grits for breakfast when I came across the scene above. A basket of crabs (with a lid on it mind you) and a solitary crab on the floor, side stepping and close to getting away under the counter.

I'm sure everyone's heard the sayings about crabs in a basket. How you don't even need a lid because they'll keep each other from getting out. This has often been said about individuals within their personal communities. Most of the time it feels like the case in my own circle and with life in general.

Those crabs might keep each other from getting out, but this little guy is an exception to the rule... and that's exactly how I see myself.

I don't know if this little guy made it all that far; but at least he got out. I almost wanted to pick him up and take him to the river.

To anyone who actually reads this, keep striving. Don't let those crabs hold you down... And once you're out of that basket, make a break for the river, while singing: "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Noooooow...!"

Something inspired me this morning, and I couldn't help looking back at this image.


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Sometimes (a song by Raphael Saadiq)

There are times when I tap shuffle/play on my iPod and a song will start up that is nothing short of PERFECT for the moment. Right now, on this Sunday afternoon, Sometimes by Raphael Saadiq just happens to be that song.

How I miss waking up on Sunday mornings with momma or granny burning in the kitchen (that's cooking for you folks who can't pick up on that 'Negro Dialect'). Getting ready for church, and swimming in all the lessons they never seemed to run out of; life always seems to take you back to those moments. Be it a devastating earthquake in a country like Haiti, the passing of a good friend, or even falling in or out of love. If you're not lucky enough, you always seem to wish they were here to talk to. At least it does for me.

Hearing music like this soothes my soul. Because neither my grandmother, nor my mother are here... Both have gone home and songs like "Sometimes" remind me that they are still there watching over me.

Been hearing a lot of music reminding me of my mother lately.

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Thinking Haiti...

Watching and listening to all of the issues they're having in getting relief to the survivors of last week's devastating earthquake, I realize one thing... Though all of these nations and organizations are doing what they can for my brothers and sisters out there, nobody's really trying to pull this all together.

Truthfully, because of the scope of this catastrophe, only a military organization is capable of overseeing the entire effort. SO, in saying that, I believe a military council should be formed and plans should be laid out to encompass the entire island in aide for this stricken nation.

I'm just curious, how did Israel manage to get a hospital on the ground up and running while everyone else is scrambling to get organized? I'm not complaining, but it looks to me like there's an example here to be followed.

Within 24 hours, the US should have had the area mapped out and making logistical plans for the long hard time that's ahead. The Carrier that's anchored there should be moving and conducting flight operations to the airfields that should have been constructed by now... With all of the military assets the US has in the Caribbean, airfield construction should have been among the first priorities instead of air dropping supplies into crowds. These helicopters should be landing and doing what we do.

For the next 30 days, I believe that ALL non-essential military (especially medical) personnel should be recalled reorganized and deployed to the area. The last I checked the US military is capable of getting into these areas quickly while carrying the relief personnel needed for the effort.

As for the Haitian government... It's obviously in shambles, but show some face. Get out there to your areas of responsibility and let your people know that help is, at least, on the way. Keep them from giving up. There's no place for violence when people should be working together. Neighborhood leaders, this is your time to actually mean something and shine. Even if you show up empty handed, your face and your voice can make a huge difference.

To all who are assisting in this massive effort, I take my hat off to you... And I think I speak for the Hatian survivors when I say "Thank You". I cannot begin to imagine what you're enduring out there. If I had the skills needed, I would be right there with you. Keep pushing.
To all of you who see this as an opportunity for political gain: may the Mighty Smiter Smite you.

This is going to be a loooooong struggle. I do NOT envy our President for what's been handed to him. He's already going through enough with the jobs situation, the economy, health care and the pussies in congress and the senate with their own agendas. Hopefully, they'll learn a lesson from the events in Haiti.

My prayers go out to the Haitian people.

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Zipperheads...

It was about 23 years ago when I was introduced to my first PDA (Personal Data Assistant) which was nothing more than a Casio pocket organizer. There was a contact list, a calendar and a notepad. I used to get clowned for using it as much as I did (and that was a lot).

While n the USS Kidd (DDG-993) I was given a name: "Zipperhead Fred". I never took offense to it because I liked the idea of no one really knowing what I was doing... Networking, taking/studying notes, managing a resume was among the few.

When I left the navy the first time in 1993, I used my PDA heavily in my job search. By that time I was using a Sharp Wizard 512kb and Macintosh's first try at the PDA (I forgot the name of it). Together I was faxing an average of 30 resumes per day, and reaching people via email... This was in 1994. Yes, these devices were a HUGE help when it came to finding that job and even planning my return to the navy.

Between the years 1996 an 2006, my use of PDAs increased as the technology became more integrated. WinCE (Windows Mobile) brought along the Pocket PC making the Personal Data Assistants an extension of the home computer. MS Office, Adobe, Photoshop and other software applications also came into play. This made it possible for my commutes to and from work to be quite productive. Especially in Hawaii where the afternoon commute could be upwards of two hours.

After leaving the navy and on to Germany, the PDA became more of a recreational device for me. That is, until it was time to travel.

After losing my PDA in 2007, I chose to try something new. The iPod Touch (iTouch) became my new PDA. Add music and the umpteen thousand applications and it's definitely an upgrade. I do miss Windows Mobile, but the iTouch does plenty.

After a while, I decided to check out the Blackberry... And now I'm stuck. The combination of the iTouch and the BB Curve 8900 is choice... For me. I just have to figure out how to combine the talents of the two. I don't want the iPhone because it's limited to just one carrier. Maybe I'll use my bb for music when my iTouch dies. Who knows.

The craziest thing is seeing all these other Zipperhead Freds walking around these days. Walking into poles, getting hit by cars. I even watched one person drop his iphone in a sewer. The look on their face at the sudden loss... Now THAT was a Kodak Moment.

Imagine if everyone picked up on the convenience of mobile devices when I did?

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Dear Mr. President...

Since the morning of 5 November 2008, I've often wondered what it must be like to be in your shoes. Most people don't understand how your life changed after your victory speech. I often imagine what it must be like as one of your children too. Growing up in Harlem (just steps away from The Apollo Theater) my mother made sure I understood what it meant to be African-American; but I don't think she had an understanding for how we're continually living through history.

Today is "ML King Day", one year and two days after you took the watch. I must say, you are definitely earning your pay today. Nearly two years before your election, I knew you would win; just as I knew, once you'd taken the helm, it would be an up hill battle. You WILL get through this.

The economy will recover, jobs will come back, and people will come to their senses about health care. The haters will keep on hating while continuing to look dumb as the flavors of the paths they walk begin to stand out over the tastes of success they've enjoyed over the years.

As for Haiti, it's not like we could see that coming. Although, I believe our military should be leading the worldwide efforts there, I appreciate and thank you for giving your best. I'm sure it will come together and that by the time this... Event... reaches hour 200, things will reach some kind of order over there.

Good luck Mr. President... Keep showing the world what we're really made of. Although, now, I am certainly glad I'm NOT in your shoes, I can still stand tall with my chest out. Because my brother is in there giving it all he's got... And he's getting it done.

Keep Doin' It...
(Hearing Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground")

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Spinning...

I must say, the past 48 hours have sucked just about every ounce of energy out of me. 2010 started off magnificently... I guess God felt the world needed a gut punch. Then, a few other people decided it was time to set ME on fire.

It ain't right.

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Negro Dialect...

Okay, just when I think I've heard everything... They drop this in the news:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada described in private then-Sen. Barack Obama as "light skinned" and "with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one."

Truthfully, the point is rather dumb. How often have I heard and corrected my peers for saying a brother or sister is "talking white" simply because they're speaking properly. Of course, this is just a republican rouse to attack the Dem. Majority Leader... Like they're really out to defend our president. I mean, don't they have better things to complain about.

I do, however have a small beef with their use of the word "Negro" and the context in which it's being used. Personally, for that reason alone, I don't think this story should have been run at all. What they are doing, and the media seems to agree with this, is that "Slang" (as I know it) is the common African-American dialect. So I guess white people, who use "slang", are "talking black".

The idea that has always been bestowed upon me is that if you use "slang", especially in a professional environment, then you're ignorant. This, I must say, is not true either... Well, not entirely. Anyone is capable of either speaking properly or using "slang" if or when ever they so choose. Who is to say, while in private, the First Lady and the President don't use "slang" sometimes.

As far as being uneducated, would you say that KRS ONE or Jadakiss (two of my favorite Emcees) are uneducated?

The way someone speaks (or doesn't speak) does NOT define their character. Though, in some cases, it does reflect their education. "It's just the dialect that I select when I hang"... Special Ed.
To the Republican Party... "Ya Game is Tired...". Shouldn't you be working on Health Care or something instead of criticizing something that doesn't matter.


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Watching People Watching Me...

It's interesting hearing what people think when they haven't a clue as to what's really going on. I've come to the conclusion the those people who are supposed to be closest to me simply aren't worth my time.

How can you turn your back on a brother and then, later, smile in his face when he comes out of his low? I'm not one for following the "He Say She Say", but when it adds up to the vibe, I'm left with little choice.

Over the years, I've come to seriously dislike the term "Freeloader". For most of my life, I have done everything I can to avoid living off of anyone in my circle. I think it came from an incident way back in my high school days. When I asked my stingy uncle for a nickel and he told me he didn't have any money. Only to stand up a few minutes later... Pockets jingling. He then threw a nickel at me.

So, back in 06, while living in the army housing unit my ex-wife was responsible for, I recently found that one of my most trusted family members chose to paste that label on me. I guess since the only notable income that individual could "see" was the little change I was getting for working as a bouncer (something I did to keep busy).

This individual didn't take into account that I may have some kind of chedder stashed away from my time in the navy. Nor did they consider the possibility that I may have another unseen income. Both of which were true. I guess it was natural for this individual to assume I wasn't covering any of the bills (while I covered them all). In fact, they probably assumed my ex was even covering my own car note.

You could say I'm offended; but THAT is a MASSIVE understatement. In fact, this bit of enlightenment has prompted me to go back to a search I've long abandoned while adding energy to my quest for a degree.

Two Thousand Ten is going to be an interesting year.

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Curiosities...

There's not much that I can say I'm truly curious about. Most folks these days are curious about simple things; most of which is obvious. Why do people do this? Why did someone do that? What drama will there be on the next episode of that unrealistic reality show? I have no interest in these things.

The one thing I AM curious about is who is in control. There are so many things going on in the world that simply make no sense at all. Meanwhile, the general public accept it as what it appears to be. It seems like "The Big Picture" is being shrouded and most of us little folk simply don't know any better.

Just look around, even in a recession, there are people still making money. Healthcare... It's in plain sight who's in control there. An impossible "war" gaining no ground. The reason for the fighting forgotten. I remember the point of a whuppin' being the core of risk management... Does the benefit outweigh the pain. There is NO reason why this conflict should last as long as it has.

Okay... No more war ranting... I promise.

Everything just seems like it's spiraling out of control. The uneducated think it's cool to be ignorant. Some of the educated are walking around blindfolded. The sick are getting sicker and the broke are oozing money.

I just hope something will change for the better soon.

I just want to know who's in control.

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My City Has A Hole In It... And My Country Bleeds

Just one of my curiosities.

Since that day, I've returned to my home town and hit has not been the same anywhere. There's something missing from Manhattan now; but I can't put my finger on just what it is.

Today, I had to take the subway to the City Hall area. When I walked up the stairs, the first thing I noticed (what I always notice) is the hole in my city. I look up as though the towers I've known all my life would simply appear again. I pause for a second, then I'll turn the corner and go about my business... But my mind, stays in that spot for a while... And wonders.

We've been at war for more than eight years... EIGHT YEARS! Fighting against a group of people who are hiding in caves, cowards using things like IEDs, Religion, and from what I'm hearing, even children to do their deeds while they continue to hide and burn Old Glory. But I don't blame them. Not in the least. I blame our leaders who have foolishly used politics and circumstance as an opportunity to make money while the lifeblood drains out of my country. Until 5 November 2008, I was coming close to being ashamed to be an American.

How long did it take us to knock down, not only Hitler (who had nations following him), but also Japan who's mentality alone could have defeated us? Now it is we who have the superior technology... Reading license plates from orbit, self guiding weapons and such. I even watched the demonstration of a sniper rifle that can shoot so far, it needs a computer to calculate it's targeting computing everything from the wind to the curvature of the earth. It took the spotter a half hour to make the round trip (to the other mountain and back) to check the target... Which every round struck. Obviously, it's not the technology.

If handled properly, this whole thing would have been taken care of in a week... Yes, one week. Our leaders dropped the ball... All for the sake of respecting those who do not respect us.

I would like to, one day, understand why. True, there is no respectful way to wage a war. However, there is no reason why it should have ever escalated to what it is now. In fact, this isn't a war... It's a complete mess. It's embarrassing. Five Thousand plus dead service members, countless wounded, and we'll NEVER know the true civilian toll. When the whole thing could have been taken care of with just One Hundred Sailors and Marines carrying the proper tools... No other country needed to get involved, and it would have been minimal US casualties... For the opposition...? The type of whuppin' that kept Lybia silent for so long.

And if you really wanted to prove a point, all that needed to be done was a simple message to one of those lurking Trident Submarines... Nuff Said.

Is it just me? Or does anyone else think there's something wrong with this?

I'm still patriotic... I just needed to vent today.

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