The way it works is by constantly switching subjects, bringing up old shit or just overwhelming him with dumb shit beyond the loss of his ability to think and to the point where he even loses his sense of reason. It's kinda like what's going on with Mel Gibson. All you hear are his rants but you never EVER hear the beginning of the conversations.
My story goes like this:
Due to a slight miscalculation, a chain of events occurred leaving me penniless and unable to pay my rent... No rent money, no home... Effectively homeless. Not all that big of a problem. That can be worked around. But then everything goes to hell when, after I told her I HAVE NO PLACE to keep him, my son's mother decides to drop him in my lap like a bag of dirt so SHE can go fuck.
Oh, but wait a minute... This happens while, in addition to my situation, she's under investigation by Children's Services. On top of all of that, he was born 3 months early and has special needs.
The first place I brought him (my one remaining place of solace in many ways) didn't quite work out. He threw some tantrums and needed to be away from there. His needs put unnecessary stress on my host and their child. When it reached a certain point, I packed him up and took him to my Family Place #1.
Family Place #1, by my standards and I'm sure by ACS' standard is NOT the ideal place for my son to be for many reasons. The first night was fine since we were pretty much left alone. But with the second and by the third night of being asked to move my son from a bed to the couch or floor so somebody can fuck... I'd had enough. Again, I just packed him up and left.
Having no clue as to where I was headed, I called my oldest daughter hoping to let him spend the night with her while I sorted things out. That didn't work out because of issues with her grandmother. So I called the one family member left in NYC I thought I could trust.
On to Family Place #2
Family Place #2 ended up being a problem because the host there, without me showing up, was already under significant strain due to all sorts of problems I care not to mention. The issues with my son only made things worse.
On the second full night, the host's son had his kids come over to keep my son company. This didn't turn out well. My son's needs gets him excited when he's around other children. After a while tho, he did calm down. But when he came out to use the bathroom, my host refused to let him go back to crash with the other kids.
Then things really got crazy... My host decided to go on a midnight cleaning spree while complaining about things that had nothing to do with me. After a bit of this and a simple ass altercation over some soy sauce packets, I started feeling reeeally unwelcome. So I packed him up yet again and took him to the last place in the city I 'thought' I could go...
Back to the original spot.
By now, my ability to even think straight is gone. The following days I just felt nothing but building rage. So I look to try and find ways to expend the energy, but there is none. I'm told that I'm shutting people out. That's something I'm still finding difficult to understand since the person who's saying this to me is going through it with me.
But, after analyzing it all, I realize that "I" do have a mental problem... See, it's MY belief that since I haven't flipped out... yet... that my coping skills are on point. But that's only in MY little world.
Where all I want is a little fucking solace right now.
And, so here I go to drop him off with his mother.....
Hopefully, I won't make the evening news.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
No comments:
Post a Comment