There's No Such Thing As A Good "Trend"

• Sometimes, life seems like it's taking you around in circles... Right now feels like one of those times.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING:

• I feel my family failing even more. Like everyone is drifting further and further apart. I saw my brother in SC last week, and it felt almost like he was a stranger; and his remains a complete mystery to me. I do get good vibes from her... I just don't know where she stands. It was cool meeting my new nephew (named after me). He will grow up to look exactly like his father too.

• I recently had a series of conversations about love last week. How do you let go of someone you love?

I came to the point where I knew that anything I did, the lady I was with would not be satisfied. She and I could be alone and on a deserted island, and she would find a reason for me to be thinking about someone else.

I have this to say to any woman who doesn't believe the man (or, in some cases... the woman) she's with wants to be with her and ONLY her... Just ask them. If you don't believe his/her answer... THEN LEAVE! Why go through the turmoil of thinking your partner wants someone else? Eventually, you're only going to drive them away from you anyway.

So what's the point in dragging it out?

• Another weekend with my son. A Happy Meal, trip to the movies (gotta love Zoe as an Avatar), a ride on the train... In the morning, we'll do the breakfast thing. Polish off the rest of the homework... I might put him on to some Batman on the PS3. I need to get a racing game and another controller.

Then there's the trip back. I know he'll enjoy the train ride... He always does.

• I discovered a long time ago that the male confidence lies in what's on his feet. Everything else is additional, but the main thing is the feet.

I think it's because that's where most women look first.

I could be wrong.

MUSIC I'M HEARING

• "Two Steps Away" by Patti LaBelle

Yeah, I'm still feeling this song.

• "Single Mothers" by C-Rayz Walz

A message to single mothers to stay positive no matter how rough it gets. I remember the first time I heard it and thinking about the people I wanted to hear it too.

An example of that "Real Hip-Hop".

NEW IDEAS:

• I need to find a way to balance out my life. Too much is trying to happen at the same time again.

• Family... I need to try and reach out to more family.

• Time Management... There is time enough for everything. I just have to figure out the pieces to the puzzle. Next week, at this time, I WILL have all primary tasks completed. This week, I'm at less than 50%

CLOSING NOTE:

• I think I finally understand what it must have been like to be my parents. Both of them were wrapped up in distractions to realize my siblings and I were growing into a world they didn't understand. The result being, none of us were properly grounded.

My goal is to change that for us, and eliminate that trend for our offspring.

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Hard Decisions...

It wasn't easy... Choosing to leave, this time, was the hardest decision I've ever made. I guess it was knowing that what I was walking away from would never survive. The real question is, would it have survived had I stayed.

I already know the answer... This decision would have been made by someone else for me had I not done it myself.

Now, I'm just trying to repair all of the damage. Hopefully, the world won't end before I'm done with this college thing and the economy fixes itself. It would be nice to know that career is waiting for me.

As for her? I really hope she finds what she couldn't find in me.

I'm hearing the song "Two Steps Away" by Patti LaBelle right now... Wondering.

If two days ago were my birthday, then today would be the day I'm called home.

Perhaps, one day in the future, we'll be able to just talk.

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I Wonder...

I wonder if my calling will come two days after my birthday... Oct 2nd 1969 - Oct 4th 20??

How is it that I'm even in Orangeburg South Carolina today? Why am I not in the Bronx... Somewhere along the Grand Concourse? Or maybe even in Sumter...? Or Mannheim?

I wonder what it would be like if I were in any one of those places today. Or one year ago... Or how about TWO years ago... Three or Four or Five years ago.

What else are you supposed to do when you reach your breaking point? Is it really wise to stay where you feel like you're not wanted? What else is there to do when you know just about everyone around you is whispering and pointing fingers after you've stepped off the path you've laid for someone who has their own agenda which includes you; but only as a prop?

I've imploded before... I wonder if it would have been worth it to hang in there... When I was on the edge of imploding again.
I just wish I knew better 19 years ago.

I wonder if anyone else is thinking about today as I am.

An then there is two days from now.

I wonder.



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I Really Do Have Love For All..... but...

UPDATE-002 20100305

INTRO:

• This week was all about trying to squeeze a lot of things into a little bit of time. The new semester promises to bring forth challenges much bigger than the last... This time, however, I am ready.

A NOTE OF CAUTION:

I really have been working hard on cutting back on cussin'.... Especially here on my blog... But, there are times when I just have to let it out... Parental Guidance is advised.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING:

• Something rather disturbing. I was adopted, something I've learned to accept over the years... However, I've always remained curious about my birth family. What was my mother like, my father, if I have any siblings out there... It's no secret, to anyone close to me, my passion for such knowledge.

Anyway, every now and then, I will google my name to see what pops up. Usually, the normal stuff appears. My social pages, friends pages who mention me, etc. This time, however, an adoption reunion page popped up. Curiosity consumed me with all kinds of thoughts. But, upon entering the page, I found the following disturbing information...

Well, disturbing to me at least...

First of all, the person who made the entry is listed as my adoptive mother... Who has been dead for seventeen years now. The inaccuracies include:

My adoptive mother's birthday and age are wrong.
Whoever made the entry was able to list my spouses name.
The date of my actual adoption is incorrect.
My place of birth is incorrect.
And there are NO capitalizations.

On one hand, though I can't imagine why, someone out there who knows me that well is attempting to piss me off or hurt me very deep. Then again, it could also be a sibling or one of my birth parents. Though I can't see why they would go about it that way.

Either way, I haven't decided whether I'm going to pursue it or not... I have more pressing issues to attend to.

• Interesting conversation...

The comparison between a "Jump
Off", a "Friend w/ Benefits", a "Bootie Call" and a "Relationship".

A "Jump Off" I see more as a "one night stand"... You get it and jump
off and that's it. My buddy, on the other hand thinks of it as someone you call from time to time to satisfy a need. This I see as a "friend w/ benefits" or a "bootie call".

We both agree on either and all of the different types of "casual participants" catching feelings on one end or the other either destroying the friendship in the "friend w/ bennies" thing or causing drama in the "Jump Off/Bootie Call" thing. We also agree on the potential consequences in all manner of such behavior.

As far as actually getting into a real relationship, there are often times when one person (and sometimes even both) can't be honest enough to admit to the other that all they're really interested in is a "friend w/ benefits" or less which leads to someone getting hurt..... or worse.

Just something to think about.

• Governor Patterson (D) - NY

This story is becoming increasingly embarrassing as it goes on. I just wish he would press on instead of trying to back out of the running. It really is just a bunch of small things they're throwing at him and he's screwing the pooch over it. Truthfully, it's not that big of a deal.

The man simply needs to grow a pair, own up to his mistakes, and dismiss the mistakes of others that are being pushed onto his plate. I hate the political media game that's being played these days.

MUSIC I'M HEARING

• The Wind Cries Mary - Jimi Hendrix

Not to many of my peers know anything at all about Jimi. The one person I'd want to hear the lyrics to this song would never understand the message. I guess it's my message anyway.

• One Good Spliff - Ziggy Marley

You have to know me and the song to know why I'm feeling this song right now.

• Childz Play - Cee Lo Green ft. Ludacris

Talk about Rhyme Skilz... Not too many can do it like these two brothers.

CHANGES:

• Gonna have to change some standards when it comes to who I follow and who I allow to follow me on these fucking social web sites... I'm only on three.

The following is a general statement and is NOT directed toward any one particular individual.

First of all, it's NOT THAT SERIOUS!

If you happen to be female and less than 75% of my age... I don't want you...

If we've never met in person and I haven't asked you for your number even though we've been in touch for some time, then I probably don't want to talk to you and the likelihood of me expecting to meet you is pretty slim too.

If you've been in contact with me for more than a year, then you SHOULD already understand this.

If I say something directly to you and you feel uncomfortable, take heed to what I said above.

Finally, aside from what I've said above, if you are not in pursuit of a degree in Engineering or helping me acquire mine... If you don't run a business that I may be interested in for one reason or another.... If your musical interest spans less than three genres or is limited to
only one generation (if you can't tell me who sings/wrote "Ribbon In The Sky"). And if you just have thin skin, I Am A Submariner... I often say "Fucked Up Shit". Perhaps it comes from breathing in all that Amin, or the dusty ass air from those O2 candles... Or Hotracking. Either way, if you can't hack it, then don't follow me, unfriend and fucking block me.

It's been a minute since I've actually been on my computer... After the software updates are done and The Berry info has been secured, I'm gonna have to get the cutting board out again.

My actual contacts list is approaching 1300... So I can stand to part with one or two or fifty or even a couple of hundred sensitive ass muh-fuckas.

Once again, the above is a general statement and is NOT directed toward any one particular individual.

I am on the following social sites for the reasons listed... The first is the primary... Anything else is secondary... PERIOD.

Twitter - News/Info, comedy and talking shit.

My Space - MUSIC, posting Resume info.

Facebook - Alumni/Family/Special Projects and Friends. Occasionally, I will post an essay for opinions and stuff like that.

CLOSING NOTE:

• I will NOT ask anyone to like me. If I've got a boo-boo, I know how to lick my own fucking wounds. If you choose to be my friend in ANY context, I only hope your reasons have some kind of substance.

I go where I'm celebrated... Not where I'm tolerated.

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