Sometimes (a song by Raphael Saadiq)

There are times when I tap shuffle/play on my iPod and a song will start up that is nothing short of PERFECT for the moment. Right now, on this Sunday afternoon, Sometimes by Raphael Saadiq just happens to be that song.

How I miss waking up on Sunday mornings with momma or granny burning in the kitchen (that's cooking for you folks who can't pick up on that 'Negro Dialect'). Getting ready for church, and swimming in all the lessons they never seemed to run out of; life always seems to take you back to those moments. Be it a devastating earthquake in a country like Haiti, the passing of a good friend, or even falling in or out of love. If you're not lucky enough, you always seem to wish they were here to talk to. At least it does for me.

Hearing music like this soothes my soul. Because neither my grandmother, nor my mother are here... Both have gone home and songs like "Sometimes" remind me that they are still there watching over me.

Been hearing a lot of music reminding me of my mother lately.

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Thinking Haiti...

Watching and listening to all of the issues they're having in getting relief to the survivors of last week's devastating earthquake, I realize one thing... Though all of these nations and organizations are doing what they can for my brothers and sisters out there, nobody's really trying to pull this all together.

Truthfully, because of the scope of this catastrophe, only a military organization is capable of overseeing the entire effort. SO, in saying that, I believe a military council should be formed and plans should be laid out to encompass the entire island in aide for this stricken nation.

I'm just curious, how did Israel manage to get a hospital on the ground up and running while everyone else is scrambling to get organized? I'm not complaining, but it looks to me like there's an example here to be followed.

Within 24 hours, the US should have had the area mapped out and making logistical plans for the long hard time that's ahead. The Carrier that's anchored there should be moving and conducting flight operations to the airfields that should have been constructed by now... With all of the military assets the US has in the Caribbean, airfield construction should have been among the first priorities instead of air dropping supplies into crowds. These helicopters should be landing and doing what we do.

For the next 30 days, I believe that ALL non-essential military (especially medical) personnel should be recalled reorganized and deployed to the area. The last I checked the US military is capable of getting into these areas quickly while carrying the relief personnel needed for the effort.

As for the Haitian government... It's obviously in shambles, but show some face. Get out there to your areas of responsibility and let your people know that help is, at least, on the way. Keep them from giving up. There's no place for violence when people should be working together. Neighborhood leaders, this is your time to actually mean something and shine. Even if you show up empty handed, your face and your voice can make a huge difference.

To all who are assisting in this massive effort, I take my hat off to you... And I think I speak for the Hatian survivors when I say "Thank You". I cannot begin to imagine what you're enduring out there. If I had the skills needed, I would be right there with you. Keep pushing.
To all of you who see this as an opportunity for political gain: may the Mighty Smiter Smite you.

This is going to be a loooooong struggle. I do NOT envy our President for what's been handed to him. He's already going through enough with the jobs situation, the economy, health care and the pussies in congress and the senate with their own agendas. Hopefully, they'll learn a lesson from the events in Haiti.

My prayers go out to the Haitian people.

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Zipperheads...

It was about 23 years ago when I was introduced to my first PDA (Personal Data Assistant) which was nothing more than a Casio pocket organizer. There was a contact list, a calendar and a notepad. I used to get clowned for using it as much as I did (and that was a lot).

While n the USS Kidd (DDG-993) I was given a name: "Zipperhead Fred". I never took offense to it because I liked the idea of no one really knowing what I was doing... Networking, taking/studying notes, managing a resume was among the few.

When I left the navy the first time in 1993, I used my PDA heavily in my job search. By that time I was using a Sharp Wizard 512kb and Macintosh's first try at the PDA (I forgot the name of it). Together I was faxing an average of 30 resumes per day, and reaching people via email... This was in 1994. Yes, these devices were a HUGE help when it came to finding that job and even planning my return to the navy.

Between the years 1996 an 2006, my use of PDAs increased as the technology became more integrated. WinCE (Windows Mobile) brought along the Pocket PC making the Personal Data Assistants an extension of the home computer. MS Office, Adobe, Photoshop and other software applications also came into play. This made it possible for my commutes to and from work to be quite productive. Especially in Hawaii where the afternoon commute could be upwards of two hours.

After leaving the navy and on to Germany, the PDA became more of a recreational device for me. That is, until it was time to travel.

After losing my PDA in 2007, I chose to try something new. The iPod Touch (iTouch) became my new PDA. Add music and the umpteen thousand applications and it's definitely an upgrade. I do miss Windows Mobile, but the iTouch does plenty.

After a while, I decided to check out the Blackberry... And now I'm stuck. The combination of the iTouch and the BB Curve 8900 is choice... For me. I just have to figure out how to combine the talents of the two. I don't want the iPhone because it's limited to just one carrier. Maybe I'll use my bb for music when my iTouch dies. Who knows.

The craziest thing is seeing all these other Zipperhead Freds walking around these days. Walking into poles, getting hit by cars. I even watched one person drop his iphone in a sewer. The look on their face at the sudden loss... Now THAT was a Kodak Moment.

Imagine if everyone picked up on the convenience of mobile devices when I did?

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Dear Mr. President...

Since the morning of 5 November 2008, I've often wondered what it must be like to be in your shoes. Most people don't understand how your life changed after your victory speech. I often imagine what it must be like as one of your children too. Growing up in Harlem (just steps away from The Apollo Theater) my mother made sure I understood what it meant to be African-American; but I don't think she had an understanding for how we're continually living through history.

Today is "ML King Day", one year and two days after you took the watch. I must say, you are definitely earning your pay today. Nearly two years before your election, I knew you would win; just as I knew, once you'd taken the helm, it would be an up hill battle. You WILL get through this.

The economy will recover, jobs will come back, and people will come to their senses about health care. The haters will keep on hating while continuing to look dumb as the flavors of the paths they walk begin to stand out over the tastes of success they've enjoyed over the years.

As for Haiti, it's not like we could see that coming. Although, I believe our military should be leading the worldwide efforts there, I appreciate and thank you for giving your best. I'm sure it will come together and that by the time this... Event... reaches hour 200, things will reach some kind of order over there.

Good luck Mr. President... Keep showing the world what we're really made of. Although, now, I am certainly glad I'm NOT in your shoes, I can still stand tall with my chest out. Because my brother is in there giving it all he's got... And he's getting it done.

Keep Doin' It...
(Hearing Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground")

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Spinning...

I must say, the past 48 hours have sucked just about every ounce of energy out of me. 2010 started off magnificently... I guess God felt the world needed a gut punch. Then, a few other people decided it was time to set ME on fire.

It ain't right.

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Negro Dialect...

Okay, just when I think I've heard everything... They drop this in the news:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada described in private then-Sen. Barack Obama as "light skinned" and "with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one."

Truthfully, the point is rather dumb. How often have I heard and corrected my peers for saying a brother or sister is "talking white" simply because they're speaking properly. Of course, this is just a republican rouse to attack the Dem. Majority Leader... Like they're really out to defend our president. I mean, don't they have better things to complain about.

I do, however have a small beef with their use of the word "Negro" and the context in which it's being used. Personally, for that reason alone, I don't think this story should have been run at all. What they are doing, and the media seems to agree with this, is that "Slang" (as I know it) is the common African-American dialect. So I guess white people, who use "slang", are "talking black".

The idea that has always been bestowed upon me is that if you use "slang", especially in a professional environment, then you're ignorant. This, I must say, is not true either... Well, not entirely. Anyone is capable of either speaking properly or using "slang" if or when ever they so choose. Who is to say, while in private, the First Lady and the President don't use "slang" sometimes.

As far as being uneducated, would you say that KRS ONE or Jadakiss (two of my favorite Emcees) are uneducated?

The way someone speaks (or doesn't speak) does NOT define their character. Though, in some cases, it does reflect their education. "It's just the dialect that I select when I hang"... Special Ed.
To the Republican Party... "Ya Game is Tired...". Shouldn't you be working on Health Care or something instead of criticizing something that doesn't matter.


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Watching People Watching Me...

It's interesting hearing what people think when they haven't a clue as to what's really going on. I've come to the conclusion the those people who are supposed to be closest to me simply aren't worth my time.

How can you turn your back on a brother and then, later, smile in his face when he comes out of his low? I'm not one for following the "He Say She Say", but when it adds up to the vibe, I'm left with little choice.

Over the years, I've come to seriously dislike the term "Freeloader". For most of my life, I have done everything I can to avoid living off of anyone in my circle. I think it came from an incident way back in my high school days. When I asked my stingy uncle for a nickel and he told me he didn't have any money. Only to stand up a few minutes later... Pockets jingling. He then threw a nickel at me.

So, back in 06, while living in the army housing unit my ex-wife was responsible for, I recently found that one of my most trusted family members chose to paste that label on me. I guess since the only notable income that individual could "see" was the little change I was getting for working as a bouncer (something I did to keep busy).

This individual didn't take into account that I may have some kind of chedder stashed away from my time in the navy. Nor did they consider the possibility that I may have another unseen income. Both of which were true. I guess it was natural for this individual to assume I wasn't covering any of the bills (while I covered them all). In fact, they probably assumed my ex was even covering my own car note.

You could say I'm offended; but THAT is a MASSIVE understatement. In fact, this bit of enlightenment has prompted me to go back to a search I've long abandoned while adding energy to my quest for a degree.

Two Thousand Ten is going to be an interesting year.

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Curiosities...

There's not much that I can say I'm truly curious about. Most folks these days are curious about simple things; most of which is obvious. Why do people do this? Why did someone do that? What drama will there be on the next episode of that unrealistic reality show? I have no interest in these things.

The one thing I AM curious about is who is in control. There are so many things going on in the world that simply make no sense at all. Meanwhile, the general public accept it as what it appears to be. It seems like "The Big Picture" is being shrouded and most of us little folk simply don't know any better.

Just look around, even in a recession, there are people still making money. Healthcare... It's in plain sight who's in control there. An impossible "war" gaining no ground. The reason for the fighting forgotten. I remember the point of a whuppin' being the core of risk management... Does the benefit outweigh the pain. There is NO reason why this conflict should last as long as it has.

Okay... No more war ranting... I promise.

Everything just seems like it's spiraling out of control. The uneducated think it's cool to be ignorant. Some of the educated are walking around blindfolded. The sick are getting sicker and the broke are oozing money.

I just hope something will change for the better soon.

I just want to know who's in control.

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My City Has A Hole In It... And My Country Bleeds

Just one of my curiosities.

Since that day, I've returned to my home town and hit has not been the same anywhere. There's something missing from Manhattan now; but I can't put my finger on just what it is.

Today, I had to take the subway to the City Hall area. When I walked up the stairs, the first thing I noticed (what I always notice) is the hole in my city. I look up as though the towers I've known all my life would simply appear again. I pause for a second, then I'll turn the corner and go about my business... But my mind, stays in that spot for a while... And wonders.

We've been at war for more than eight years... EIGHT YEARS! Fighting against a group of people who are hiding in caves, cowards using things like IEDs, Religion, and from what I'm hearing, even children to do their deeds while they continue to hide and burn Old Glory. But I don't blame them. Not in the least. I blame our leaders who have foolishly used politics and circumstance as an opportunity to make money while the lifeblood drains out of my country. Until 5 November 2008, I was coming close to being ashamed to be an American.

How long did it take us to knock down, not only Hitler (who had nations following him), but also Japan who's mentality alone could have defeated us? Now it is we who have the superior technology... Reading license plates from orbit, self guiding weapons and such. I even watched the demonstration of a sniper rifle that can shoot so far, it needs a computer to calculate it's targeting computing everything from the wind to the curvature of the earth. It took the spotter a half hour to make the round trip (to the other mountain and back) to check the target... Which every round struck. Obviously, it's not the technology.

If handled properly, this whole thing would have been taken care of in a week... Yes, one week. Our leaders dropped the ball... All for the sake of respecting those who do not respect us.

I would like to, one day, understand why. True, there is no respectful way to wage a war. However, there is no reason why it should have ever escalated to what it is now. In fact, this isn't a war... It's a complete mess. It's embarrassing. Five Thousand plus dead service members, countless wounded, and we'll NEVER know the true civilian toll. When the whole thing could have been taken care of with just One Hundred Sailors and Marines carrying the proper tools... No other country needed to get involved, and it would have been minimal US casualties... For the opposition...? The type of whuppin' that kept Lybia silent for so long.

And if you really wanted to prove a point, all that needed to be done was a simple message to one of those lurking Trident Submarines... Nuff Said.

Is it just me? Or does anyone else think there's something wrong with this?

I'm still patriotic... I just needed to vent today.

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Overload...

How does one person deal with issues in every corner of their space? When there are issues at home, work, the social circle, and even in that personal place where you go to sort it all out. How did they do it back in the day before the medications and counselors? Through Divorce, friends dying, and all the other little annoying things in between, I have to try and earn a college degree.

With the divorce, it's pointless trying to get the old Mrs to understand why I'm leaving her. She refuses to see that she has issues or accept anything wrong that SHE's done while constantly dreaming up reasons to trip. While claiming to have forgiven me for mistakes I've made she's constantly rubbing those mistakes in my face... Mistakes I made due to misinformation on HER part no doubt. On top of THAT, she just can't stop dreaming up other shit that exists only in HER mind.

I've discovered the true problem in one of her very own "rantings": Not only did she never forgive me, but she holds against me how her father left her mother as well as how her older kids father secret six came out after he died. THEN there's the fact that I must not have been enough to satisfy her since she cheated on me with not one, but TWO different guys while deployed to Iraq. Oh, I tried to forgive her and yes, I was there when she returned. That lasted a total of two months.

Late in September, a close friend of mine who'd been suffering from a particular illness asked me to do two thing... (1) to help her bury her mother and (2) to support her as she goes under the knife. After burying her mother, which was a highly confusing life lesson for me in itself, she decided to take some extra pain medication while already on enough narcotics to put down King Kong. SO, my 40th birthday gift from her was the initial stopping of her heart... Thank you Drennie.

The three weeks between my birthday and Drennie's death was the worst emotional roller coaster ride I've ever experienced. Putting the divorce on the back burner even, I will never forget the walk from Vassar Brothers Medical Center or the walk down that hallway to Drennie's room which felt like I was walking to my own death sentence. When she finally went home, it was more of a relief to me than anything else. After feeling guilty behind the extra medications, it took me weeks to get over the guilt over feeling this relief... It was just enough time for me to find out another friend had died.

Mindy, for a long time she tried to shake her past... But, after a while, I guess she came to terms with the fact that she'd actually made a lot of good friends back then (in the 80's) and she started coming around. I'd long since forgiven her for tripping out on me for wishing her a happy birthday. I just left her alone. So it was a shock to see a text message saying "Mindy Solinsky passed away on Friday".

Jewish tradition, as brutal as it is, was thankfully less stressful on my emotions than Drennie's episode. Before word could even get out clearly, it was done. The following Monday was her funeral. Grave side service, a nearly plain wooden coffin, no viewing of her body... The hardest part for me was watching an elderly and grief stricken mother using the back side of a shovel to push soil into her daughter's grave.

I thought it was going to be easy working on a degree. Through the distractions, I've managed to fail one class and acquired a fairly low grade in another. Discouragement.

Not everything has been dark and dismal. I'm learning to find solace in my youngest son. Yes, he has some learning issues, but when I think about where he came from to be where he is, I'm actually grateful. His mother, though I don't trust her, really has been good to me as well. Thanking a "Baby Mama" just seems odd.

What I've learned...

From Drennie: life is life and you only get one here. She suffered a pain no one else will ever understand and she's free now. Yes, it was hard to watch her go; but she did what she was meant to do and she'll live on through her three daughters.

From Mindy: again, life is life... But to embrace my past. I've made a lot of good friends over the years and to dismiss any one of them, is just wrong. Even in the worst conditions, there are always times when there are smiles.

There's more, but this entry is already too long.

Drennie, Mindy... I already miss you both.

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