15 December 2013

Something Learned the Hard Way…

Day One Entry: Dec 15, 2013

It Is interesting trying to live after all of the people who have been closest to you have done nothing but take advantage. When seen from the outside, all that you've been through appears to be your own fault. The people surrounding you will continuously remind you just that.

They will say things like "well you chose to lay with that person" while continuously throwing in-your-face everything you may or may not have done wrong. Even as you move forward with your life, you will continuously be reminded of everything that bites at you. My shoes are heavy with all of the shit that I've had to walk through; yet when I ask for a hand, I'm  looked upon as though I'm dirty.

Just today someone told me to "let it go". My reply was that already have. This individual will never understand what it is I've gone through and more importantly what I continue to go through. I don't expect anyone, even people going through the same shit as myself, to understand any of the turmoil I'm forced to endure.

No matter where I go or what I do I'm always looking from the outside in. Seeing people enjoying life, enjoying themselves, enjoying each other while I'm forced to pretend that I'm fitting in. That is the way I live today.

When I do the time to explain what I'm going through in detail to anyone, if I get a response at all it will be the go and seek counseling or some bullshit like that. Counseling so someone can tell me that my belief system is fucked up, or that I'm not experiencing what I am experiencing.

I had someone sit in front of me and tell me that I'm not seeing what I am seeing. In fact they'd argued with me about the bullshit. I remember writing the word "Purple" on a piece of paper, even in purple fucking ink so that they wouldn't get it confused, and I use this as an example of the shit that I've been experiencing.

I asked if they were SIRE that it is not green or red or orange or other motherfucking color. Anything other than purple. This person says "no" that is purple and is written in purple ink. I went on to explain to this individual: that, for example, there have been people who have told me that it is another color. Anything other than the color purple. After this individual realized what I was saying to them, they literally tried to get me to believe that it wasn't the color purple… Hypothetically, of course, and in consistency with the other shit I've been through and trying to explain to them I over the course of maybe an hour.

"That's just the way it is", this motherfucker tried to explain to me.

Basically, I am crazy for seeing something for what it is. Especially if there is someone deliberately trying to put me at a disadvantage. Written rules, even Laws, twisted into insignificant bullshit just to try to make me look fucked up.

So now I'm left with this……

1) I am guilty simply because of the shit that I've gone through.

2) I am crazy because of the way I view the shit that I've gone through.

3) I am delusional because of the way I choose to deal with the shit that I've gone through.

and

4) I am alone going through the shit I continue to go through.

Attempting to change any of the first three will cause nothing but more stress and frustration, therefore I'm alone or going through the shit I continue to go through.

If I do manage to change the fact that I'm alone, it will do nothing more than cause additional stress and frustration that will simply lead to me being alone…. as I continue to go through the shit that I'm going through.

Trying get someone to understand the path I have been forced to walk will only lead to One, Two and or Three. Ultimately leading to me being alone as I continue to go through the shit that I'm going through.

To anyone, who might take time to read this, if you have a solution to this never ending cycle…..

Please let me know.

52° Cloudy
SE, Washington D.C., DC, United States



Sent from my iPod
Nullius in verba -- A Luta Continua

11 September 2013

Homeless Veteran 1

There is no reason for there to be a homeless veteran ANYWHERE in this country.

But there are...

I met one today.  This one did his time in Nam AND Korea. He had a plan like I did.  And like mine, his plan fell apart. He managed to last for a while on his savings too.  From 2009 to January this year.

This man isn't on drugs or strung out.  He wasn't an alcoholic.  He wasn't even asking for money. He was just sitting there with his sign.  That sign almost caused me to just walk on by. But there was something odd about this guy.

No cup.

Sharp eyes...  even if he was tired.

And, by all appearances,  for 65 years old and not one to be trifled with.

He was either new in town or just didn't have the need...  but he didn't know where the VA is either...  and he doesn't have his ID yet.

But I believe that will change tomorrow.

He was grateful for the info I shared with him.

But, I think, more than anything.....

He was glad to know that he's not.........

Invisible

02 October 2012

After The Fact...






After the one who I KNEW was the one tossed me aside like a snotty napkin, there has been three contacts made. 

One was on me...

"Thank You..." that was all. 

Thank you for setting the stage to let me know who my REAL peoples are. 

Two was just pointless... 3.5 months later. 

She sends me a text message asking me to get a hard drive I'd left behind. 

Meanwhile, I'm in the second of the three homeless shelters I would occupy over a three month period. She knows me well enough to know that if I hadn't contacted her about that shit then I'd written it off. 

I did take it as an opportunity to let her know that there was nothing that would make me put my hands on her violently. Well, no one told her to allow her fear to dictate what to do with me. 

I think she may have even realized that for, in her response, she called me an "asshole". 

Three...  I felt a little bad about that last encounter. And since I was in a state of emotional repair I gave her the closest thing she will ever get to forgiveness from me...

...an address to send my shit if she held on to it. 

In all reality, I never expected to see any of it again anyway. 

By now, with the exception of the stray memory, I didn't think much about her.   

Then, suddenly, a blog from one of her friends shows up in my inbox. It had been WELL over a year since he'd used that blog. 

Initially, I was going to just ignore it. But, out of curiosity, I read it...  and then I read it again. 

This blog entry was either a message about me......  Or two me. 

I took it both ways.......

...and ignored that one AND the one that followed. 

What the fuck did they expect?

Now, less than a month ago...  I get a strange Facebook friend request. I don't know who it is; but, before I delete a motherfucker, I try to make sure I don't know them. 

After a while, I take a little time to dig into this friend request, only to find.....

...that it was her oldest sister. 

W. T. F. 

I hovered over the "BLOCK" button...  But, then I thought about it for a minute.

What does ANYONE from that village have to say to me?  I certainly don't have anything to say to them. 

So I accept the friend request, open up my profile a bit... and wait. 

and I wait...

and I wait some more. 

After a couple of weeks of reading my posts, I guess they realized they really didn't have anything to say to me. 

Maybe they just wanted to see how I'm doing. What I'm doing. If I am really where I said I am. Perhaps even get a glimpse at what I am doing. 

I gave them all of that along with what I am thinking. 

The next motherfucker to contact me will get an immediate response. 





Nullius in verba


16 September 2012

Challenging The Genius In Us All

It's making even more sense now...  Read on...

FinalCall.com News

Minister Louis Farrakhan
Challenging The Genius In Us All
By the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan
Updated Sep 6, 2012 - 1:19:51 PM

[Editor's note: The following article contains edited excerpts of the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan's keynote address at the "Challenging The Genius Conference" held at the Hilton Garden Hotel in Chicago, Illinois on September 17, 2005. To order this message in its entirety on DVD and CD, please call 1.866.602.1230, ext. 200.]

In The Name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Merciful.

The learned of our people are disconnected from the unlearned. As a result of that disconnect, the learned, though they suffer where they are, are not able to lift the masses of our people from where the masses are.

That is not the fault of the learned, but it is a clever scheme of the former slave master and his children that the masses should never connect with the learned of our people, for in the learning of the learned, there is the solution to 95 percent of all of our problems. So as long as that disconnect remains, then the learned can only touch a few with their knowledge and their experience.

We are attempting to create a movement that will answer the critical needs of our people. What we hope to do is to create a movement programmatically that ties the learned to the masses of our people so that we can solve the many problems of our people that can never be solved by just one organization, or one leader. It is going to take all of us being together, recognizing the value of each other and what each of us bring to the table.

Just like this body of ours has many different systems, many different organs; however, they all function for one common cause, which is the keeping up of the life of this organism. We have to be like that as a people. Those of you who are "educators": The educators cannot be separated from other disciplines of science, medicine, law and economic development because in every area ignorance is what keeps our people from functioning as we should. Knowledge, and the transmission of knowledge, is central to the rise of our people.

The right 'to know' is a human right

The Bible teaches, "My people are destroyed for the lack of knowledge," so the acquisition of knowledge, and the proper requisite knowledge for a people who are enslaved mentally, has to be acquired by us and transmitted by us to those who are suffering because they don't have that knowledge.

When people are steeped in ignorance, you can't blame them for their behavior. But the wise man knows that they are acting out of their ignorance. We can blame them if they have been given knowledge and refuse to act on the principles of what they know; then they are really guilty. However, our people are not guilty. It's just that they have never been given the requisite knowledge to make us a free and independent people.

***

It is always good to stop and recognize the greatness in our teachers, like my dear big brother, Maulana Karenga, who has shown us that he is a brilliant scholar; one to be honored and respected not after death, but while he is alive. We should thank God for him, for all the good work that he has done and continues to do to elevate not only our people, but I think Maulana has seen that he is a universal man. In other words, even though he is first and foremost a member of our family, yet he recognizes that the wisdom that comes up out of our family is not just for our family, it is for the whole family of man and mankind.

That is what brings me to what I wanted to say to us: When Abraham Lincoln signed The Emancipation Proclamation and "let our people go"—and I put that in "" because we were only let go from their hands, but not from their control—there was never the transmission of knowledge, or a "beginning step" to make our people independent of their former slave master. So, our people had to turn right back around and go back to the slave master and ask him if we could stay on the plantation. Then, this whole share-cropping thing began.

But here we are, nearly 150 years later… I believe that our being in America is not an accident. I believe that it is divine providence that our fathers were brought out of Africa at the time that we were brought out. I believe it was an act of divine providence that we have suffered what we have suffered. Suffering shapes people for greatness. There is no such thing as a human being attaining greatness without struggle. The greater the struggle of the human being, the greater he or she will manifest greatness. And even though you can still manifest greatness with less of a struggle, it is not equal to what you can do with the greatest of all struggles.

God has put us in a struggle because the slave master and his children deprived us of so much which a human being needs to have in order to function. To deprive us for 300 years of the human right "to know" is a tremendous deprivation! To sell a people for 300 years as chattel is great, great suffering! Then, to deceive this people and make them believe that they were in fact free, when they were only being put into a new kind of slavery that would continue the same process that began when our fathers were brought out of Africa in chains.

Manifesting excellence puts to death White Supremacy, Black inferiority

So here we are, present-day: Our people are dying out in the streets. Our Black scholars are in pain no matter where they are because the ugly face of racism is present in academia. The ugly face of racism is present in politics, in jurisprudence, in religion. There is nothing that racism has not poisoned: Christianity, Islam and Judaism is poisoned by racism; Socialism and Communism is poisoned by racism—and always in these areas, the Blacks are always subservient to Whites who lead in Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Socialism, Communism, education, jurisprudence, wherever it is. That is the reality. But look at what God says in this scripture: "Behold I make all things new, there will be a new heaven and a new earth and the former things will pass away."

Brother and sister educators: When it comes to "education," most everything that we hold dear has failed in the cultivation of the human being. It is so sad to see people who claim education and yet lack cultivation. So the enemy will give you a degree, but it is not a necessary degree that qualifies us in terms of cultivating the best that God has put within us; that we can mine it out of us and put it into the service of ourselves and others.

The Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad said one day, "It is one thing to know that iron ore is in the earth. It is another thing entirely to mine it out of the earth and put it into the service of self and others." It's one thing to know that we are the possessors of the excellence of The Creator, and there is no human being that is without possession of the excellence of The Creator, for there is no such thing with The Creator as "mediocrity."

There is no mediocre creation. From the tiniest insect to the far planets, these creations are excellent. And the human being is the greatest of God's creation, yet we suffer from mediocrity and less, not to think of our inability to manifest excellence. It is not our fault; it is a systemic thing that deprives Black people, Brown people, Red people, White people, and common people of the means to express excellence. We go to school to learn so we can manifest excellence. Well, isn't it sad that you can come out of the best schools that they have with the finest and best degree that they can offer, and yet we are unable to manifest that kind of excellence that makes us stand above and reflect The Creator?

Think about this: "Racism" cannot exist in the field of excellence. No man can say that "I am better than you are" if you are manifesting excellence, especially if they are saying it because of color, or because of class, or because of some privilege that one may have. The manifestation of excellence is the destruction of White Supremacy and Black Inferiority.

***

I personally believe that God has allowed us into this situation so that greatness would emerge out of it to set up a whole new paradigm.

We are mistaken to follow the Western paradigm of education, science and religion because it all has been poisoned by the wicked idea of White Supremacy. That is a poison that is not good for White people, and it certainly is not good for us.

White people cannot fit into the New World Order supposing that they are "better" because they are White, and we cannot fit into the New World Order supposing that we are inferior because we are Black. Both of these mentalities must be destroyed, and the only way they can be destroyed is through the process that we call "education."

The building blocks of any civilization: 'math' and 'science'

The word education comes from two Latin words, "e" (the prefix) which means "out" or "out from"; duco or ducara which means "to lead out." When a person is educated, they are lead out from darkness into light, from ignorance into light, from ignorance into wisdom, from powerlessness into power, from weakness into strength.

Education is the thing that sets the human being apart from the lower animals. This is why in The Holy Qur'an, Surah 2, Allah (God) introduces Himself to Muhammad with these words that they translate as: "I Allah am The Best Knower"—that is what separates God from man; it is that He is supreme in knowledge. This does not mean that we cannot approach God because He is a Master Teacher and is calling on the human to approach Him. That is why the Bible teaches He created man and woman in "His image and after His likeness," so do not think that it is a sin to approach God.

In the acquisition of knowledge, which empowers us to master the forces of nature, the forces of our own being, self-mastery is the key to the mastery of the universe, for we are the "microcosm," and the universe is the "macrocosm." However, the way education is taught, it disconnects us from mathematics and science. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught us that it is proficiency in mathematics that makes one a builder of civilization. All other disciplines are embellishment, but math and science build civilization.

So when we talk about Africa, and the African being the "father of civilization" and "master builders," we just weren't musicians; we weren't architects alone; we weren't sculpturers alone! We were the masters of the two great sciences upon which civilization is built: Math and Science (Engineering)! We can't return to Africa with just a cursory view of Africa as the great spiritual force and great civilizing force for the world without understanding that force is rooted not in "mythology," but that force is rooted in the highest manifestation of mathematics and science.

That is why what we have built is called "the wonder" of the world (The Great Pyramid of Giza). Scholars and scientists for centuries have wondered how we did it. Therefore, if they wonder about what was done then, they do not have the mathematics that would show them how it was done; otherwise, they could do it again. But they can't do it because they don't know what our fathers knew, and God has kept that back from them.

Why did He keep it? Because White Supremacy is such a poison, that if you give a person poison like that, the very base upon which life and the Universe is constructed they will use it according to the sick mentality. So that mentality has to be corrected. God can't give it even to you if you are sick with this mind of Black inferiority, that "I have to get back when White people come around," and we are bitter and angry over the condition that a Creator permitted—not that White people did.

They had somebody above them that said, "I am going to let this happen because I have a purpose for these people."

If we come up out of slavery angry, that is natural. If we come up out of oppression bitter, that is natural. But the greatest wisdom can never be put on a heart that is angry, bitter and filled with hatred because we don't understand why The Creator allowed what He allowed. And at the end of that process, here we come now; like the scripture teaches Joseph was sold into bondage by his brothers and he became a master in the land where he was sold as a slave.

The Torchlight of Civilization

Can't you see that the leaders of this nation who are the leaders of the world are bankrupt? Spiritually, they are bankrupt; their ideas do not work anymore. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad said to us that "education" is the torchlight of civilization. When you see the decline in education, the civilization is coming down behind the decline in education.

Now if you look at America today, every child no matter what their color is, is being left behind. There is a scheme to dumb down the American people so that a greedy few could live from sucking the blood of the masses of Black, Brown, Red, Yellow and White who are ignorant.

Over the years, statistics have shown that an alarming, horrific number of those who graduated from high school are unable to read at a high school level. If this is true in a global economy where manufacturing has been ceded to Third World cheap labor markets, then those persons who cannot read at a high school level are unfit to go to college. Where will they fit if the jobs are not available? What are they going to do? So America is crushing her greatest resource which is her people.

Now here is where we as educators come in: We cannot allow our children to die in the killing fields of an educational system that has run its course. Education can never and must never be stagnant because nothing that we have been taught is absolute. If we have a doctorate in psychology that only says that we have accomplished what this world has to offer, but there is yet more to be accomplished. So once, we arrogate to ourselves that we "know," then we reach a plateau of learning, and then we start the decline.

America is very arrogant; and in that arrogance we have reached the plateau of learning, so her civilization is now in decline. The fall of this civilization is going to continue, but out of it must come something new, something better.

That is why I am honored to address you on this subject, because I believe that among the children of slaves there is The Genius that can wash itself of the old paradigm based in White Supremacy and Black Inferiority, and evolve out it a new paradigm that can educate our children from pre-school through the university.




#ThatIsAll



Nullius in verba


05 August 2012

Someone asked me if I missed you...

Someone asked me if I missed you today...

My answer was no.

I think about you from time to time. Of course there are plenty of good memories.

How could I possibly let that go.

I know where I'd be today had we stayed together: Going to work, coming home, church most Sundays, family gatherings, the occasional weekend show.

That's a dead thought tho.

My frustrations have since multiplied. But it's all fuel now.

The only thing I'm striving for now is doe.

The first necessary steps were drop the bags and tear down every single boundary.

Where ever the money is, that's where I'll go.

I seem to have overpowered the feeble shit that keeps regular motherfuckers going in circles. The shelters, public assistance, back to work programs and the rest of that bullshit.

I have been crushing milestones as I go.

Sometimes I feel lonely; but that's all a part of the process. I am always successful when I do it my fucking self.

The only question I seem to bang over my own head is "What did I ever want to bring anyone with me for?"

Now I'm at the next stage of the madness... and so there will be more stripping and leaving behind while mowing over any and every motherfucker who is stupid enough to get in front of me.

No.

I don't miss you.

It's not like you had my back.

It's not like you believed in me.

Fact is, I never had you.

And you can't miss what you never had.

So no... I don't miss you.

I fucking loath you.

Fortunately there are no ties between you and I for which I will have to answer to God.

I have enough of those.

I've burned the bridge, poisoned the river, and scorched the fucking earth for as far as I can see on the other side.

I can daydream all I want about what I thought I had... There's nothing wrong with that.

In fact, it's a pretty nice fantasy.

But the truth is, I have always been on my fucking own...

I don't miss you.......

It is what it is.




Nullius in verba

16 June 2012

Happy Birthday To You..... Whatever.

I realize yesterday was your birthday.... Well, okay...

So, I wish for you...
Comfort on difficult days
Smiles when sadness intrudes
Laughter to kiss your lips
Sunsets to warm your heart
Gentle hugs when spirits sag
Friendships to brighten your being
Beauty for your eyes to see
Confidence for when you doubt
Faith so you can believe
Courage to know yourself
Patience to accept the truth
And Love to complete your life...

So I raise my beer in a toast to you.....

As I salute thee with thy Finger

Happy Birthday Motherfucker!!!




Nullius in verba

26 May 2011

Makes Me Wanna Holler....

[I read this book by Nathan McCall back in 1995... Before going through the bullshit I would go through over the next 15 years... I should have read it TWICE]


My friends think I'm going too far...

Fuckin' really?!?!?

They think I should give her a call...

Now why in the world would I want to do some stupid ass shit like THAT?!?

See, when it comes to her, there are several things to consider; but only one seals the deal... That one thing is her decision to discard me.

It's one thing to sympathize with the "single mother" (Hell, I sympathize with single mothers), but this is not the case here. My feelings would be TOTALLY different had she not "experienced" the following WITH me:

1. How his mother can just drop my son off at the dump that my aunt's house is with not even two days of clothes while knowing my situation at the time (I simply had no place to keep him)... Oh and with no documentation I might add... While she runs off to Trinidad or somewhere for TWO WEEKS!

2. She's washed his little balls herself and seen the scars on his back. She's witnessed how he cowers into a corner when you raise your voice just a little and flinched if you scratch your ear when you're close to him.

3. She knows that he was born prematurely and has seen his developmental problems for herself and knows how his mother refused to allow me to have him evaluated. Something that she refused to do herself until ACS stepped into the picture. [There's another ACS item I won't discuss here, but feel free to ask me about it if you want... It goes along the line of my 5th point here].

4. Even you can dig just a little bit and see the logic of why my son's mother would take me to court for child support while I'm dealing with the things I'm dealing with.

a) Trying to maintain focus on my classes (Calculus is NOT easy when under stress).
b) Unemployed - yet when I'm done with school a BA in Electronics Engineering Technology can go a decent distance... But $0 = STRESS
c) Unstable housing situation - See the little bit of the lyrics from Rakim's song "Man Above" two blog entries below.

5. The question I've asked every other person I've confided in across the board... "Why won't they work with me?"

So, now, I ask you: Can you find a SINGLE reason WHY I should not be just a LITTLE ticked about These Five Points?

Of course you can. It all boils down to #5 and the true answer to that burning question.

So, here it is... She doesn't like my vibe when I'm upset about these things and feels disrespected when I won't discuss them with her. I truly believe it has more to do with her history than anything else. MAYBE she's had to deal with some sort of physical abuse in the past and looks at me like I'm going to take a swing on her if I get too upset.....

Really?!?!?

It THAT what it is...?

Truth be told, it really isn't any of her business. What IS/WAS her business is/was ME. What a lot of women don't seem to realize is that all it takes to smooth a brother out when he's stressed about these types of issues is a hand on his back and the words "it will be okay". It may not do much to ease his tension, but it makes a hell of a difference. You're a Mary J. fan just as she is. In the least, he will look to you as his home much in the same way he looked to his mother who died 19 years ago.

Yes, I do sympathize with "the single mother". (There's a song "Single Mothers" by Talib Kweli that really hits home with me -- look it up when you get the chance). She is a single mother; and I have "selflessly" assisted her with her son when ever the need materialized. But I never crossed the line, I remained unbiased... ALWAYS when it came to "baby-daddy-issues". Even when I disagreed with her feelings whether it was in her favor or even when it added to her disadvantage (the latter happened to be quite often). Additionally, even at this point, I have never backtracked on anything I've ever done for either her or her son.

Loyalty and Support...

The one lesson I did learn from all of this shit is that it doesn't exist. Even the seemingly nicest motherfucker you come across will have their own selfish agenda and will quickly relieve themselves of you before considering trying to help you find a way to relieve you of the stress that's trying to kill you.

Nathan McCall said it best in his first book "Makes Me Wanna Holler" when he wrote something along the lines of this...

A woman will follow you to hell but she won't go through it with you.

So true.

--

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

17 May 2011

Broken Toys...

Every time I've gone through this terrible cycle, I seem to leave something behind. In 1993, I left my art. In 2000 I left my legacy. In 2004 I lost every souvenir I've ever picked up from every port visit. In 2009, I lost my car and at least 1/3 of all I own.

Over the course of the past two years, I've lost another third of what I own and then now....

I left a few things behind. The stationary I intended to use to pull my distant family members back together. My 500 GB hard drive. My hard cover of Alex Haley's Roots along with some other books.

But, this time was different.

Each time I've gone through this cycle, a little bit of my heart died. At first, it seemed like this time was just like the others.

As I placed the last of the trash bags full of my shit outside, she felt the need to follow me. I remember saying "I got this" and asking "why are you bothering to come out here".

Women do the strangest things.

When I showed up at my aunt's door... The woman who "claims" to be my birth mother... After an hour of sitting at the door, my so-called birth mother calls the police. When they come, she tells them that she can't take me in because my cousin is coming home from jail in three days and tells me to go to a shelter?

This time was definitely different.

I called up a friend of mine around the corner. She let me leave what was left of my things at her place. A container and some clothes that were still wet from laundry I did earlier that day. From there, I just wandered.

Eventually, I would end up in a bar for about three hours. Trying to get as drunk as possible. Then I headed to the subway. Eventually, I'd get off the train in my aunt's neighborhood; but I just wandered around for a few more hours. A little bit of this is kind of foggy as I think I was able to nap at my friend's house for a little bit.

But soon, I was wandering once again. I got an offer from PA and I took it.

After 2 weeks of more damage than repair, I realized the difference. This time, I may have left what remained of my heart on Metcalf and Cypress Avenues.

Yeah, this time WAS different.

Sometime during that drunken night (or maybe even the next day). I sent her two messages. One was a screen shot of a brief conversation with my brother (see the blog entry before last) and another three words: "Thanks a MILLION".

What still lies on "Her" floor, even after she picked up the clothes she bought me for Christmas and other rubbish left from my hasted packing is my heart and most of my humanity. What little remains of that I'm saving for someone special.

Yeah, this time is way different.

--

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

16 May 2011

~~ "Man Above" by Rakim

[Shit speaks volumes]

I figured out what was talkin' with me.
When I do right I feel Him walkin' with me.
So I'm adamant, some call it arrogance.
I can cope it cause I know I'm broke for having sense.
But my back against the wall it's gettin' rough to get a buck.
And a job with a minimum wage won't get enough.
Faced with givin' up and my lady friend beefin' ends ain't meetin'
We're just an argument away from splittin' up.
It gets lonely, my fam disowned me
They call me the black sheep because I act street.
Yeah it's that deep.
I try to change clique homies flipped on me cause I don't hang.
--
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile