Social Media Shutdown

Since 1994, the age of beepers, I have maintained some sort of presence on the internet.  Starting out as just a fun thing to do; but even in those early days, I'd even found employment using it.  When I returned to the Navy in 1996, it became a way to research possible liberty ports before deployments and new home ports before transfering.  Internet Relay Chat (IRC) and AOL's Instant Messenger made things a little crazy, chatting with people across the globe.  I think it might have been 1999 or 2000 when Black Planet exploded onto the scene, allowing folks like me the opportunity t be a little creative.  While living in Hawaii, BP and other tools were very useful for keeping in touch with folks back home.

In 2004, when I returned to the mainland, there was MySpace.  Initially, it was a place for independent musicians to share their talent.  Corin Bailey Rae started there...  I love her voice and her take on songe like Free, Que Sera Sera, and Bob Marley's Is This Love.  That was also around the time my friend Judy introduced me to Lyfe Jennings and I decided to stop the conflict with my exwife.  I lost a ot during this time, but that's another story.

Over time, I've made lots of friends and buddies online...  Social Networking...  Many, whom I've never met to this day; yet, we still maintain a bond.  Some, like my pal Forrest (a Viet Nam vet), have even gone home.  Eventually, I would find myself looking back.  I felt like somewhere, a long time ago, I lost something.  So I went back pretty much as far as I could.  In 2005, I returned to Pleasantville Cottage School, where I first dreamed of being a submariner.  My first Alumni Day.

It was definitely an experience I will never forget, even though I was incredibly disappointed. There were more people there from the 1920's than from my time. So I went on this mission to find as many people as I could. First, there was Michele Kaplan who led to people like Toni Codrington, JD, Richie Saunders, Debbie Stokes and others. Most of them on Facebook and MySpace. Over the first year, I found a lot more, some I didn't remember initially. Then I started finding out that not everyone's experience was like mine.

Mindy Solinsky was the first to explain this to me. Then I started getting similar tragic stories from others. It saddens me to this day to know that one of the best experiences of my life was a nightmare for others. Today, this is where I wish I'd stopped. But I really wanted to find a few others. James McCoy, Denise Leone, Kweku (I could never remember his last name) Tarsha Holmes Ronald Fludd and a few others.

I moved to Germany in 2006 and then the list really expanded. Then, I returned to the US in 2009... and life started getting crazy. It pretty much started in the Fall when two of my friends passed away. One after several weeks in the ICU went home the day after I realized I couldn't keep the promise of not leaving her. The price of loyalty. The other, not even a day later, was Mindy. The image of her funeral on that wet soggy afternoon is permanently etched into my brain and it fucks with me to this day. That ended up being a really hard day for me. Thank you to the Joyners for making a little easier.

Through 2010 life just continued to get harder and harder... Then 2011 happened... and everything turned to shit. It was during this time I started to learn my value to people. It was during this time where I learned who had my back. Fortunately, I was able to find my way through this dark time and things got better. Trust was betrayed, backs were turned. This was on all levels, even and especially among those I considered family... and it continues.

Some other smaller factors include things like finally finding Tarsha Holmes, which was something of a delight, only for her to pass away days after I got to speak to her. Then there's Corey Johnson https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-administration-execute-corey-johnson_n_6000c37ec5b6df63a9152d65. Some of you have probably heard his story. That story could easily have been mine. In fact, in many ways, it was. Reading about his end hit on the same level, if not harder than, Mindy's. As kids, we ran together. Yeah he made his decisions, and I could have easily made those same decisions.

I've come to the conclusion that opening myself up to so many people on so many levels is no longer worth the energy... and the pain. Folks who held out their hands to support me during those dark times chose to abandon me. Some would show face and even dine with me as I tell them "I am not okay right now" and not really be there for anything other than their own entertainment and leisure. then there are those who would actually embrace me, only to walk away; sometimes wrapped in a lie expecting me to not feel the truth behind the falsehoods coming from their mouths.

I've lost and have been dealing with a lot recently. For as much as I'm telling here, there's a lot more that I'm not. There are some folks who I expected to support me through these times; but 'people' have their own things. I'll get through it though. Just like I have in the past. I may not be okay right now, but eventually I will.

Obviously, I won't be looking for anyone else.

Deuces.

Sent from my iPad